Something my therapist urged me
to do, when we last met, was to 'take care of myself'.
This very much resonated and helped me have insight for others in that we're all just people
taking care of ourselves.
I have a godson in his 20s who breaks a barrier of intimacy each time we see each
other - and then it's like he has no clue as to why I might feel uncomfortable.
I think I have written about this before. But I think it's about him keeping the upper hand
and his way of managing relationships. He defines them - and wants to have his control. It's life
according to his rules, period (I have found.)
I'm a little done with that. Las night we had gotten into a
disagreement of sorts over texts. He didn't like my texts of support and sharing
and he let me know. That's fine - it hurt - but in fact it's something to know
and remember we all don't want the same things. Jan said it's probably a good idea
to keep a distance from him if he bothers me. I tried to be a good godfather - and yet
I was walking in the dark, into unknown territory - so 'how to you have good judgement? Experience,
how to you gain experience? Bad judgement.:)
I know you can’t expect the world without bumps, and the life training here at the monastery
is really making me get better at and rebounding from and learning about and undertanding adult relationships...
as well that everyone might not want the same things - for some it's relationships on their terms
and their rules...and that's good to know and consider and evaluate if that works for you or not.
There was a whole lot of hurt and dysfunction in me this morning while conducting services....
and I self talked - remember my dialogue about things about feelings - pumping myself up - knowing this happens to everyone
- and started to just respecting the sacred in myself
and others and understanding that is something that keeps me going. I gravitate towards that for sure.
My friend abbess/eldress talked about tracking where another might be in their day when you text them - when I talked
to her - and that was a valuable insight and thing to consider.
My godson did make me feel like someone’s tool and that's not a good feeling
and so I have learned from that too.
I aim to hold on to my feelings and the sacred to know my true north and also
be prepared to deal with the bumps in the road that happen for everyone...daily.
I was gutted from my godson. When I went down to services,again, I self talked to keep doing/going and then it came clear to me that I was feeling embattled kind of from so many here (sisters) here. But seeing that made me thinking about that these were my feelings and probably not the truth. I started to look at things as I mentioned for what is sacred and that gave me tremendous insight into what motivates me. I was thinking about some other things but having something be sacred in life is great! I saw this in my friend Nikki with her post and I can see it in my view of humanity.
Doing well.....Have a an amazing day!! xx
Replies
Many Many years ago a friend once said to me "I don't want your help". She went on to say I made her feel "less than capable" at times due to my own need to help physically or give advice.
In my life of codependent behaviors I learned "fixing" was a way to get approval, to feel better about myself and didn't think much about how 'my help' might be received...I just did the 'it'. without thinking.
At 20, your God Son might be flexing his own mind to create his 'way of living and thinking' without as much life experience as you've had. Still thinking 'I know Everything".
My life became much more managable when I stopped butting into friends lives offering help and waited to be asked for my opinion.
Thanks Mary Louise! That’s great!