Triggers suck big time...
I can't sleep because when I get into bed I think about my W lying with the OM! And how they saw eachother at least once a week like that. It's been over a year since D-Day and I still can't get that image from my mind.
Seeing him (the OM) at the beach about two weeks ago didn't help at all. In fact it has me spinning with anger, jealousy, and just plain hurt. Knowing how close my W was with this guy I was just 10 feet from just devistates me. I'm ready to puke! I hate this sick feeling I have right now. And I'm certain my W is wondering why I can't stay in bed. I've gotten in bed twice tonight. I just can't stay there and think those crappy thoughts of them together.
I hope writing this down helps! Something has to help. I feel so alone right now. Being on the west coast so late or early in the morning (1:40am PDT) there's usually noone online to chat with. So it's me, myself, and I. And that's dangerous at times. Like right now.
Maybe Xanax will help.
Seeing him (the OM) at the beach about two weeks ago didn't help at all. In fact it has me spinning with anger, jealousy, and just plain hurt. Knowing how close my W was with this guy I was just 10 feet from just devistates me. I'm ready to puke! I hate this sick feeling I have right now. And I'm certain my W is wondering why I can't stay in bed. I've gotten in bed twice tonight. I just can't stay there and think those crappy thoughts of them together.
I hope writing this down helps! Something has to help. I feel so alone right now. Being on the west coast so late or early in the morning (1:40am PDT) there's usually noone online to chat with. So it's me, myself, and I. And that's dangerous at times. Like right now.
Maybe Xanax will help.
Replies
I\'m sorry to hear of your torment. I would feel the same way I\'m sure! I want to encourage you that those actions you are thinking about that happened are gone and over withthey were selfish acts that humans make out of confusion and ego and pride. They are gone like the wind never to come back. We make decisions right and wrong every dayeveryone of usweather in mind or action.
I hope you can have hope and look forward to your future and live in the moment of today. The enemy likes to torment us. I pray that God will remind you of a hopeful future and blessings he plans on sending your way.
God bless!
Thanks NanPad! I need to look more toward God for times when I\'m spinning like that. I think I\'m alone when I\'m really not. I hope I call on Him next time and more in the future.
Thanks again!
Oh and by the way...I\'ve changed my mood to \"Good\"! I\'ve never had this good feeling in a year.
My W noticed I wasn\'t sleeping and actually asked me \"Why\". So I told her why. She picked up the ball and ran with it. She was totally understanding, comforting, and loving about what I was thinking and going through. THAT IS A FIRST FOR MY W EVERYONE!!! Holy crap! What\'s gotten into her?!?
So she throws me for a big loop! And she\'s treating me with respect? And complimenting me? It\'s like she read my journal entry and was saying exactly the right things. Doing the right things.
I love it! And I got a great night\'s sleep last night! Will it last? I hope to God it does! :)
I\'m jealous wehn I read this. Wish mine had regrets and would been the man I need him to be. Working back on the 180 rules. Especially telling him I am moving on and meaning it. And his answer...move on. We dont know what the future holds, but divorced couples have reconciled in past. Sucks because makes it harder to move on.
Well, it only lasted for so long Lori47, so now I\'m back to my crap issues with my W. Just so you know, my W told me this morning that when she kisses me; \"Nothing\". She doesn\'t know why. Se just can\'t feel any spark. Wow! I\'ve always wanted to hear that from my W! One who\'s cheated on me. Okay, if you want someone else, just leave me and move on. WTF! Back to feeling crappy again. Rollercoaster is down at the bottom.
People and there feelings suck sometimes!
Just read my journal again. I wonder if someone looses that feeling for someone, can they ever get that back again? I\'m really nervous about this. And doubting that anyone can.