Triggers suck big time...

I can't sleep because when I get into bed I think about my W lying with the OM!  And how they saw eachother at least once a week like that.  It's been over a year since D-Day and I still can't get that image from my mind. 
Seeing him (the OM) at the beach about two weeks ago didn't help at all.  In fact it has me spinning with anger, jealousy, and just plain hurt.  Knowing how close my W was with this guy I was just 10 feet from just devistates me.  I'm ready to puke!  I hate this sick feeling I have right now.  And I'm certain my W is wondering why I can't stay in bed.  I've gotten in bed twice tonight.  I just can't stay there and think those crappy thoughts of them together.
I hope writing this down helps!  Something has to help.  I feel so alone right now.  Being on the west coast so late or early in the morning (1:40am PDT) there's usually noone online to chat with.  So it's me, myself, and I.  And that's dangerous at times.  Like right now.
Maybe Xanax will help.