Triggered
So I met with my EX sunday, luncheon and a movie. Things were okay, she still defends herself about her actions without me even questioning her.
we hugged and kissed, I didnt feel butterflies.... She cliamed it was great...
Then on wednesday she tells me she has strep, and if I feel bad then thats probably why. I got mad, and thought great she is out hooking up and giving me stuff. I calmed down and breathed before I replied.
So I replied, and told her at first I got mad, but I calmed down hoped she was ok and to take care.
Then she replied why did I get mad, then asked if I was always going to get mad at her for things. How long will it take for me to get over the things she did.
I then told her I have the right to get mad and voice my opinion, then basicly she tells me that until I dont get mad any more that she will back off and let me come to her.
My thoughts are if I am not allowed to be mad about what she did, I must be alright with what she did.
No one can tell us how to feel,
Replies
I have alot of anger as well, resentment for things I have not been able to forgive. TIME.... literally TIME... and her making it up to you can help, some kind of compensation, either coming from her or you finding it yourself. Like you said, Im finding ways to make myself happy so that I dont focus on being mad at him anymore. You may be mad for a long time, especially if it hurt way too much, and you feel like a line has been crossed. Putting your foot down and saying no is the first step, and then NOT doing it is the 2nd step, while not giving in or caving to submission. You will have more respect for yourself and feel better after having not done it, wether was requested for example.
Also, anger takes time, you have to understand why you are mad, then address it, which you did, and then you need an outlet.... that anger has to go somewhere, through a work out, a walk, a jog, a shopping errand, a new toy, anything that is reasonable that can replace those sad feelings, MAKE yourself happy first...... your anger may need time before you can forgive, but holding a grudge for years or too long is not healthy either, eventually you will need to forgive and accept, but do not forget, do not be unwise, and be smart even if you r forgive, dont trust blindly if lines have been crossed and stand up for yourself and say no if you see boundaries are being crossed, dont be a fool for love, dont lose yourself like I did in my marriage, like you said, focus on you ..... they are great words of wisdom that came from you.... thank you for helping me with my post, I decided to return the favor. hope I didnt upset you or disrespect you, I know this is personal stuff... me too Im having a hard time to forgive and I get triggered easily.... after its been too much, focus on finding something that makes you happy, do something you LOVE and makes you smile, what do you like? what do you LOVE? what activity you enjoy ? do that, it will make a difference, take some space, some distance.... just do you...