TRIGGER WARNING

Him. He is all I think of all day everyday. He is all that is on my mind. I constantly think of his well being more than my own. Is he eating? Sleeping alright? Is he happy? I ask myself all the time as I starve myself and cry myself to sleep at 5 am after seeing him off to work. I'm so miserable that absolutely nothing is desirable anymore. My best friend doesn't need me anymore. He doesn't love me. I ruined the man I loved. The one who use to stay up with me when I was scared or sad. The one who would make a fool of himself Just to hear my giggle because he said it was the most amazing sound he had ever heard. The man who was there In an instant to wipe away my sadness before my tears even hit my cheeks. The man who treated me like a little princess and claimed me as his.. I miss him. More and more everyday. The days get longer.. my patience shorter.. my life has become a tangled Web of tears, blood, blades, forced "I'm fines" and "I'm just tired" I guess that one is true. I am tired. It red of living this grey life. Tired of surviving.. for what? Doesn't feel like anything anymore. If I wasn't so selfish I would just let him be happy with her. But I cant. No matter how much he says it's not appropriate, I refuse to say he isn't my daddy. He is MY daddy. Even if she has a title. He isn't hers. He is mine. I habe his heart and I won't give it over to her. Not ever. Just because he is no longer my boyfriend doesn't mean he isn't my daddy and I'm not budging on that. He can pretend not to love me. Refuse to say it. Be cold and distant. But I'll always be his babygirl. He has a soft spot for me even if he doesn't see it right now. I'm daddy's babygirl and maybe one day we will be together again. I doubt he will ever forgive me but once you lose hope, you've lost everything and then there really is no point on living. I love you daddy. I'm sorry for being a bratty little girl but that doesn't mean I'm nit your bratty little girl.. I need you and I know that you need me too.. you don't need her.. she will never understand you the way I do.. never. I hope you realize that.. I'm sorry for wasting tou time.. I just.. i feel if I lose you completely like I am, it'll actually kill me.. I just want daddy to hold me and tell me everything Wil lbe okay.. even though I know it is not..