Trigger/ BreakThrough?
Ok so by now everyone knows I'm getting out of this place and have given myself until the end of March. I was trying to sleep which is near rare for me, "dad" comes up and starts hitting my bed telling me to get up and eat.
Ok three triggers hit that changed my day:
1.) I can't deal with an agressive lound male voice in the morning. I was balling my fist in annoyance. My head starts filling up. Screaming SHUT UP over and over again yet no exspression on my face.
2.) Hitting my bed. Dont hit my bed. Don't put your hands anywhere near me.
3.) Third, I was actully trying to eat before I went to bed last night and couldnt get it down. I chewed and it came right out of my mouth. Couldn't swallow at all. It brought a range of emotion, because when people tell me when to, and when not to eat, it makes me want to hide my face. I don't like eating. Especially in fron of people.
It seems as though my entire mood has shifted from being "okay" to being annoyed, angry and still that voice of self doubt. The other voice is telling me it's okay, we're going to get this done and get away finaly. Even the sound of music and tv is annoying at this moment. I can't make progress around this guy. AUGH!! Focus, focus, focus, I didn't do anything wrong, I don't deserve this shit!!
Ok three triggers hit that changed my day:
1.) I can't deal with an agressive lound male voice in the morning. I was balling my fist in annoyance. My head starts filling up. Screaming SHUT UP over and over again yet no exspression on my face.
2.) Hitting my bed. Dont hit my bed. Don't put your hands anywhere near me.
3.) Third, I was actully trying to eat before I went to bed last night and couldnt get it down. I chewed and it came right out of my mouth. Couldn't swallow at all. It brought a range of emotion, because when people tell me when to, and when not to eat, it makes me want to hide my face. I don't like eating. Especially in fron of people.
It seems as though my entire mood has shifted from being "okay" to being annoyed, angry and still that voice of self doubt. The other voice is telling me it's okay, we're going to get this done and get away finaly. Even the sound of music and tv is annoying at this moment. I can't make progress around this guy. AUGH!! Focus, focus, focus, I didn't do anything wrong, I don't deserve this shit!!
Replies
you don\'t deserve any of that. :/,, he should be respectful
Exactly. Thank you love! I\'ve thought it over and I could. A) leave as my brother did and never speak to anyone again. Problem with that is I have a huge heart and as much as I want to fight sometimes, I cannot, but I will leave this house with boundries! B) I could stay and get no where and never allow myself to heal. Problem with that is .. well everything
I think I\'ll stick with A :) You\'re such a support. Thank you
Yes, it is very hard. I am very glad that you are moving out... Your dad is the only with the problem. He is not something happy person inside and taking it out on you. If he is concerned about you, he should be gentle and very loving with and towards you at all times.
My tablet makes mistakes... Leave out the something part next to the word happy.