Transfer day a success, but ONE drawback
Hello ladies,
Hope everyone is doing well and keeping your sanity through your IF journeys. As for me, today was the BIG DAY, TRANSFER DAY! Yay!!! I got to the IVF lab at 11:30 on the dot with a full bladder. My transfer was set at noon so the wait with a full bladder was horrible. My RE was running late so he actually showed up about an hour late because he got caught up with another patient. Thank God the nurse let me take a few potties in between so I wouldn't be too uncomfortable.
So here's the big news.....my RE came in and told me that out of the 7 embies, there's one beautiful one he wanted to put in. Of course I've had in my head that I wanted two embies so I just started balling tears. He gently leaned his hand on me and said it's okay to feel this way, that these are important and serious moments, but he wanted to transfer what would be a blastocyst in great shape. He wasn't sure about the others because they weren't developing as fast as they should have been. He said he's going to give it one more day but there might be none for me to freeze. I can't explain to you how I felt when he said that, to know that only one was going in and that none to freeze, meaning an extremely frustrating and taxing fresh cycle again if this doesn't work. My heart just broke, but I wiped my tears and tried my best to enjoy the miracle that was happening before my eyes. I hold this pic of this beautiful little embryo that fought its way above all the rest to be a part of me. I just hope it gets comfortable in there and wants to stay.
I feel bad for being so disappointed that I didn't get to transfer two, and I can be honest in saying that I don't think one will work. I know that's horrible to say but I need to let it out so that I can be excited again. I know an embryo that makes it to a blast is a good quality embryo and I know that I need to give it a fighting chance. I also know that the odds aren't' necessarily higher with two rather than one in my case, I guess two just made me feel more complete with this whole thing.
On the flip side, the doc originally recommend one because of my age and prognosis so I guess it's just meant to be this way. I'm reading this book on mindfulness and meditation and it teaches you to be in the now and not in the past and "what If's" of the future.....I think this is a great time to start practicing it.
And through all this, I still have hope....I know this embryo just needs to stick...and I know I have NO control over the outcome. Once I realize I have no control, the better off I'll be. Problem is I'm the only girl out of three kids and the youngest, I ALWAYS get what I want and this is the one thing that I haven't got yet.
Lord I pray that you make this beautiful embryo stay and become life in my womb...I give it all to you and I'll try not to be negative.
KJ
Hope everyone is doing well and keeping your sanity through your IF journeys. As for me, today was the BIG DAY, TRANSFER DAY! Yay!!! I got to the IVF lab at 11:30 on the dot with a full bladder. My transfer was set at noon so the wait with a full bladder was horrible. My RE was running late so he actually showed up about an hour late because he got caught up with another patient. Thank God the nurse let me take a few potties in between so I wouldn't be too uncomfortable.
So here's the big news.....my RE came in and told me that out of the 7 embies, there's one beautiful one he wanted to put in. Of course I've had in my head that I wanted two embies so I just started balling tears. He gently leaned his hand on me and said it's okay to feel this way, that these are important and serious moments, but he wanted to transfer what would be a blastocyst in great shape. He wasn't sure about the others because they weren't developing as fast as they should have been. He said he's going to give it one more day but there might be none for me to freeze. I can't explain to you how I felt when he said that, to know that only one was going in and that none to freeze, meaning an extremely frustrating and taxing fresh cycle again if this doesn't work. My heart just broke, but I wiped my tears and tried my best to enjoy the miracle that was happening before my eyes. I hold this pic of this beautiful little embryo that fought its way above all the rest to be a part of me. I just hope it gets comfortable in there and wants to stay.
I feel bad for being so disappointed that I didn't get to transfer two, and I can be honest in saying that I don't think one will work. I know that's horrible to say but I need to let it out so that I can be excited again. I know an embryo that makes it to a blast is a good quality embryo and I know that I need to give it a fighting chance. I also know that the odds aren't' necessarily higher with two rather than one in my case, I guess two just made me feel more complete with this whole thing.
On the flip side, the doc originally recommend one because of my age and prognosis so I guess it's just meant to be this way. I'm reading this book on mindfulness and meditation and it teaches you to be in the now and not in the past and "what If's" of the future.....I think this is a great time to start practicing it.
And through all this, I still have hope....I know this embryo just needs to stick...and I know I have NO control over the outcome. Once I realize I have no control, the better off I'll be. Problem is I'm the only girl out of three kids and the youngest, I ALWAYS get what I want and this is the one thing that I haven't got yet.
Lord I pray that you make this beautiful embryo stay and become life in my womb...I give it all to you and I'll try not to be negative.
KJ
Replies
Oh I\'m so praying for you!
I think it\'s ok to feel disappointed. I can totally understand wanting to transfer 2...it\'s kind of like having a back-up. But, you know, maybe this baby just wanted the whole dang uterus to itself and couldn\'t stand to share. Watch out when that little one is 2!
I know exactly how you feel, I only have 1 blast waiting too!! It\'s so hard but he is right a blast gives you great chances and my RE doesn\'t believe quantity over quality will increase your odds, right now you are PUPO you have done all you can to get here. I really hope that perfect embie is snuggled in for the long haul.
I totally understand your disappointment, but please have faith that this one will be it!! I\'m about to write my update, but what you said \"Once I realize I have no control, the better off I\'ll be.\" is exactly what I\'ve been trying to tell myself lately and expecially in the past few hours. Hugs and those other 6 embryos could still catch up. Don\'t give up hope on them! Now, welcome to the 2WW after IVF....I\'ll hopefully be there with you come Friday or Sunday.
Oh sweetie that is how I felt about transferring one embryo too, but you have to focus on your one maybe baby and be thankful for the chance! I hope your 2ww flys by!! Good luck!!
Congrats on being PUPO! I TOTALLY understand being disappointed. We always had disappointing results with our fresh cycles also. I am really sorry they only had 1 to put in but it sounds like that one is giving you a great opportunity. None of ours looked great and we are getting two little buggers out of it so I am sure this strong one will do very well! :) Also, sorry he was so late! Uhhhh holding that full bladder is awful! Rest easy knowing that embryo is in the absolute best place it can right now.
Congrats on being PUPO!! I haven\'t been in your shoes but what you are saying and expressing sounds completely NORMAL! We\'ve already dealt with so many unknowns, so much disappointment, so much hurt, its no wonder that you are feeling disappointed, worried, doubtful etc.
But def try to focus on the good, focus on whatever will keep you sane and calm while you wait.
I am praying that little embie snuggles in for the long haul! Thinking of you XOXO
Good luck! I understand your emotions, and on transfer day after all these hormones it is completely normal. I think I\'m reading the same book, Mindfulness? For me, it is a challenge to get into practice but something I need to do.
I\'m so excited that you are PUPO. It\'s a great feeling to know that you are officially more pregnant than you\'ve ever known you\'ve been! Talk to your baby often, and let them feel how much you love them. I\'m so sorry that you only transferred one after you had wanted to do 2. But when it sticks, you will have no regrets :-) Rooting for the rest of your embies to make it to freeze! There are soo many stories of people getting preggo on embies that weren\'t the RE\'s first top choice to start with.
Yay for being PUPO!!! I\'m sorry you we\'re let down, but remember it only takes one :)
Congrats on the transfer. So sorry that there was only one perfect embryo :( I know the disappointed feeling you\'re having now :(
I\'m sorry that the number of embryos was not what you were expecting or hoping for. But you only need one perfect little sweet heart to change your entire world:0) Who knows it could take and SPLIT and you would have TWO blessings. I\'m dreaming and praying BIG thoughts and prayers for you on your baby journey friend. Hang in there. *HUG!!
I know how you are feeling. On our first IVF we transered our only good embryo and a not so good one and knew we would have zero to freeze. Its crushing, but fingers crossed in two short weeks you will have your BFP and you wont have to think about that! Sending you good vibes!
It truly does take only one, congratulations on being PUPO! I understand that you\'re disappointed right now, but for the next two weeks, try to focus on the perfect embie that was transferred today. Good luck!!!
Congrats ! You\'re almost there! It will work don\'t feel bad about only putting back one embryo. My RE would lecture us every time about how putting only one back was the best option and that putting two back only really increases your odds of it working by a small %. I think now a days drs try to minimize a patient having twins b/c of complications etc. or at least that\'s why my RE used to lectured us about. You will probably have some to freeze my RE told me the same thing on my transfer day and then the next day they called me and said that 4 were frozen. Just remember it only takes one good embryo to get pregnant !!!
I hate when things do not go as I had planned but God (if u believe) has a plan so hang in there! They took 17 eggs from me and I was so excited because I thought omg look at all those babies!! well we are prego with 1 baby now and only 2 other embies made it to the freeze which freaks me the hell out...i can imagine you are very scared but try to hang in there and relax the best you can during the dreaded tww...
Baby Dust