Toxic Friends
Ugh, I have this friend who is pregnant and she keeps coming to me to complain about her pregnancy. She has extremely mild GD - no need for insulin, completely controlled by diet. She had it last pregnancy as well and her little boy was born without any problems. She keeps telling me that she understand how I feel to see other pregnant women because she gets jealous seeing pregnant women eating candy bars. Really? Losing your son is the same as not being able to eat candy bars?
She also keeps complaining about having to go to the doctor because she feels like they are tough on her about eating right and she is just so sick of how negative these appointments feel. I would give anything to have an appointment like that. Until you have heard the words your baby is dead or your baby is going to die, you have no idea what a negative appointment is!
Ok, enough of my tirade. Thanks for letting me vent.
I really do feel like I am doing a bit better, but I find when toxic people like this start in on me, I go right back to that angry, jealous, sad place and I just don't want to go there. I am trying so hard to figure out how to honor my sweet Isaiah's life while still trying to be hopeful and slowly move forward. Its amazing how quickly I can be brought down. I don't want to be rude or intentionally lose friends, but I am finding that there are some people I have to distance myself from to keep the sanity I am trying so hard to hold on to.
She also keeps complaining about having to go to the doctor because she feels like they are tough on her about eating right and she is just so sick of how negative these appointments feel. I would give anything to have an appointment like that. Until you have heard the words your baby is dead or your baby is going to die, you have no idea what a negative appointment is!
Ok, enough of my tirade. Thanks for letting me vent.
I really do feel like I am doing a bit better, but I find when toxic people like this start in on me, I go right back to that angry, jealous, sad place and I just don't want to go there. I am trying so hard to figure out how to honor my sweet Isaiah's life while still trying to be hopeful and slowly move forward. Its amazing how quickly I can be brought down. I don't want to be rude or intentionally lose friends, but I am finding that there are some people I have to distance myself from to keep the sanity I am trying so hard to hold on to.
Replies
This subject is not funny at all but the part where you said, \"Really? Losing your son is the same as not being able to eat candy bars?\', had me cracking up. Some people are so oblivious and naive. I\'ve heard some of the dumbest things since my losses and I want to laugh in their face sometime. Like I said, not because it\'s funny but because some people say the most stupid things. \"Toxic friends\" is a good name for them.
Im so sorry your friend is being so thoughtless. She truely has no ideas,nor would we want her to, but some empathy would go a long way.
Hope today is a good day.
p.s. some real empathy, not about missing out on candy bars!
I read your post & felt the nees to offer my... \"OMG, SOME PEOPLE ARE SO RUDE!!!\" I totally undertsand what you mean when you said youare feeling better but how quickly an insensative comment can change that. (I lost me 6th pg this Feb) I am so sorry you have to deal with that! I have a dear friend who was borderline \'toxic\' & it was difficult to be around her at time... fast forward months, almost a year & she calls me wanting to have lunch. She felt the need to apologize. She had been having sever health issues & was not getting a clear diagnosis from her drs. She said now she had a better picture of what I have faced in unexplained IF & m/c in the 5yr ttc. Where I would not have wished the health problems on her, I can\'t say it didn\'t feel good to have her appologize & validate me.
I pray you continue to \'feel better\' everyday! And I pray your friend comes to a place where she can enjoy her pg AND be a bit more sensative!!!
BIGGEST HUGS & BESTEST BLESSINGS!
That would make me mad too! I did have a GD and yes, it is tough, but I made sure I was eating healthy because everything was for a good reason. And like my doctor said, there is no explanation, why I, who took care about myself during pregnancy end up with a stillborn, and people who don\'t care at all have a healthy babies. And she is totally stupid complaining to You, Mother who lost her precious child... I\'m sorry you had to listen to that.
I agree with nicolerb, that line made me laugh. I can\'t stand it when people try to say they understand. I am sorry she is being such a whiner to you-- that\'s not fair of her to do. I am the same way though; those moments bring me back to that low place where I am jealous and angry. Big hugs!
I have to say to compare losing a child to not eating candy bars was really inconsiderate, sometimes people just talk without thinking, I really think they are not aware of you or what you have gone through, they just rattle on and on, someone said to me well at least you have 4 healthy children, be grateful for that, was this supposed to console me? or the latest one, now you will have more time for yourself, I am saying to myself....really? are you being hurtful or are you just truly ignorant of the impact of your words? I have learned to talk with those who understand and keep my heart from being broken or allow anger to root within, the spiral downward hurts too much . I love your honesty and it is nice to know I am not the only one who has these encounters.
Blessings,
Sharon
Thanks for your responses ladies. It really helps me feel a little more normal. I am sorry that we have all had to encounter people like this, but it makes me even more thankful for all of you!
I agree with nicolerb sometimes people say things that are sooo shocking you just want to laugh, how dumb people can be.
I\'m glad you are doing a little better tho. If I were you I would put a little distance between yourself and some of the \'toxic\' friends if you can.
Big hugs xx
Lauren-
We talked about this before...makes me crazy!! Just the other day someone said to me \"I\'m so glad to see you have moved on\". It really bothered me. Yes, I have moved FORWARD because that is the only thing I can do. I know people mean well and like everyone else said, thank God they really don\'t understand. Im thinking of you and hope to chat soon.
Ok, that made me laugh too! The things people say, that they think are the same. Give them the blank \"you\'re a moron\" stare and see if that makes them realize what they just said. I had someone tell me that they know how I feel, going out and seeing babies and it being hard, because they just broke up with their boyfriend and they have to go out and see people holding hands. Um....yeah....because that\'s the same!
If only these were our biggest concerns - not being able to eat candy, getting scolded for our diets, gaining an extra few pounds, being a little uncomfortable. We know that things can be much worse. Lucky for most people, they don\'t know. Even if they know what happened to us, it didn\'t happen to them, and therefore they can pretend it didn\'t happen.
Go eat a candy bar in front of her! LOL...
I hope that things are going better. I had a friend who did and said similar things. Finally I just straight up told her what conversation topics she was limited to sharing with me.... It was a bit awkward but things are getting better now. I agree with remembering emily though, I\'d sneak in a candy bar or two if you can right in front of her!!!
Thanks for all your sweet comments. Its been a little better lately, but I have to admit the idea of eating a candy bar in front of her cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh!