I started writing this post a few hours ago..since
then I have found some really good resolution and I feel really healthy.
The beginning of these ideas was my observing that I find myself a bit more aware of the idea of 'towing the line' in life... being the one who leads... - and I thought "Can I tow the line for myself in my life?
Can I tow the line for others who I am with? Whether it's a work or social demand?
Is my ability to 'tow the line' a casualty of my --- condition?
I just came to think at first - with compassion - that I am doing the best that I can -
If I have the ability to lead and lead well - I still might always need to ask for some help
if not from another person or group of people - then from a higher power. So even the highest 'tow-ers' have
room for humility and a "check" on themselves -
Some people can tow the line for themselves and others, too -
and some on the opposite side of the spectrum can't - but I think it's more relative than that -
I just feel that everyone has a potential to an extent and should be encouraged to develop
as far as they can.
I was happy with those ideas...and then went on to just get on with the day...
Later on, I was here at home thinking about what I would do come Christmas Day -
- I felt alone, so I wondered if there are any websites for those who spend the holiday alone - there must be some where out there....
but then I thought of when I lived in Canada I helped serve Christmas dinner to the needy at a Church - and I loved it and so I thought about joining a church group to feed the needy on Christmas Day.
I won't be alone all of Christmas Day - but I will for part of it...Anyways serving the needy brought forth my own realization...
Here I was struggling to manage myself when alone at home because I am alone - and perhaps I thought - I should look at myself as 'one of the needy' - I should set myself up to have the things and people I need.
I need to focus on my needs and not just others - it's not an either or - but both.
It was a really great moment...because for so long I have felt that in order to be self responsible meant
a kind of denial but it's really not.
I have felt so alien as well, to others because I haven't seen them in a universal outlook - I've felt so different and yet as I felt badgered by needs - so much so - I then realized everybody is struggling to deal with their needs in life on a level - and so perhaps I don’t need to feel so alone with it... :)
And so as I was lying, resting in bed I felt so calm and yet something was itching away at me
- and yet I was too lazy to take care of it - I turned that on it's head too -
TO PUT FORTH THE EFFORT to take care of it THAT is towing the line.
Replies
Here's to the path of writing and working it to a better balance. Excellent!
thanks Mid. I know this one was kind of crazy -
I agree that writing out how you're feeling is a great way to work out your feelings... I can remember journaling in the hospital years ago and being really surprised when I went back to read days before..... Big squishy hug LC......xo