Tough week
I tried to move on and it wasn't a success. I feel terrible that I have pulled an innocent into my black vaccum. I am not sleeping well, not that I have for a long time. My dreams are filled with my failures. I am suppose to meet with him again this weekend and I want to cancel, but then I feel I should tell him in person that it's not going to work. I can't stop the tears, so many emotions it's hard to catagorize what is going on with me.
I can't believe I got myself in this mess. I want to turn and run, but I don't think that will solve anything. He wants me to get mad and scream and yell at him for misleading me. Everytime I try to come to terms with it and discuss things with him he puts all the blame/misunderstanding on me. How can I get mad at him if it is acually my fault? My heart is breaking and I hate how I feel. I teeter between thinking he is the biggest A hole on the planet to I am the stupidist person that has ever existed. I feel as if I am going through the stages of grieving again, no appitite, no sleep and crying.
Damn if Tim had never been taken from me I would never, ever had been in this position. I have fallen in love two times in my life. The Lord took one and the other walked away, both hurt so bad. I feel that it must be me, I must be a bad person to have this happen to me.
Missing my family and now I get a text from my youngest Son saying he misses me and he and the Grandkids really want me to come and visit. That text ripped my heart out. So torn about what to do.
Sorry to be so negitive. I do really try to be happy with all the good that I have in my life, but this week has taken me to my knees.
I so appreciate having a safe place to vent.
Hugs, Sandi
I can't believe I got myself in this mess. I want to turn and run, but I don't think that will solve anything. He wants me to get mad and scream and yell at him for misleading me. Everytime I try to come to terms with it and discuss things with him he puts all the blame/misunderstanding on me. How can I get mad at him if it is acually my fault? My heart is breaking and I hate how I feel. I teeter between thinking he is the biggest A hole on the planet to I am the stupidist person that has ever existed. I feel as if I am going through the stages of grieving again, no appitite, no sleep and crying.
Damn if Tim had never been taken from me I would never, ever had been in this position. I have fallen in love two times in my life. The Lord took one and the other walked away, both hurt so bad. I feel that it must be me, I must be a bad person to have this happen to me.
Missing my family and now I get a text from my youngest Son saying he misses me and he and the Grandkids really want me to come and visit. That text ripped my heart out. So torn about what to do.
Sorry to be so negitive. I do really try to be happy with all the good that I have in my life, but this week has taken me to my knees.
I so appreciate having a safe place to vent.
Hugs, Sandi
Replies
Vent all you want. I\'m at 3 years an d haven\'t moved on as well. If I had been mislead I would be angry and confused too. You were able to love again to find out yo u were mislead. This is still so hard.I find my hardest times are when Itry to get close to someone, but yet I keep trying. Take care and know we are here.
Russ
My heart is with you Sandi. I think about you often, and I\'m so sorry that it\'s still so hard for you. Have you considered just packing it up and going back to Colorado to be with your sons and grandchildren? I know it\'s hard with family sometimes, and our kids have their own lives going on so its still kind of lonely, but it\'s got to be better than the situation you\'re in now. At least it\'s family and they love you. This grief thing is so damn hard, I\'m amazed at how long it takes to regroup and find a new normal that is somewhat functional.
Please take care and know you\'re in my thoughts. You\'ve hit rock bottom, time to head back up to the light again. You can do it. May Tim\'s love sustain you and give you strength. You\'re strong girl, you can do it. Stay away from people that aren\'t healthy and supportive!
Keep posting and letting us know how you are.
Hugs.....sending positive vibes your way.
~ Lori
Sandi, I don\'t know why took a look at your journal -- caught my eye I guess. We don\'t know anything about each other, and I\'m not sure I have a handle on your situation you are writing about. It sounds to me like you\'ve gotten involved with a manipulator -- someone that is toying with your emotions to get what he wants. Follow your heart and you can never go wrong. From the little I read above, this is not the right guy for you. Please forgive me if I overstepped here. ~~ Scottie