Tough Decision

Ok, so I've decided to quit smoking.........not that is has not been on my mind for about 5 years now.  This demon has such a grip on me.  I mean, I thought I wouldn't quit drinking and that that would be tough, but this one has it beat.  I can at the moment go at least 16 hours without a cig.  This of course is when I try with all my might not to have one. During this time I am depressed, anxious, bitchy and clumsy.  I have a doctors appt. on Monday with a new doctor and I hope to get a prescription for Chantix.  I don't know if this will help, but  at this point I will try anything.  I need to STOP.  This smoking has taken over my whole life.  I am currently unemployed and this is one of the reasons I want to quit.  I seem to be looking for jobs that will revolve around my habit.  HOW SICK IS THAT.  I have turned down jobs because of smoking.........what the hell is with me.  Why am I so weak?  I let depression have me, I let alcohol have me (of course 5 years sober), anxiety attacks run my life, and now I am letting smoking ruin me.  These are just my thoughts.  I was hoping that writing a little would get me over my craving for a cigarette  and I guess it has done it's job for the amount of time it has taken me to type this.  I smoke 2 1/2 packs a day.  In the last two days I have gotten my self down to 10  cigarettes.....Is this a start?   I'm dying here!  I mean why quit?  Why take away something that I enjoy.  Of course I only enjoy it when it isn't running my life, but I don't know.  Maybe if I keep typing then I will not smoke since it takes two hands to type and ........................oh what's the use...........I can't do this on my own, who am I kidding?