tossing, turning...and repeat

I had a good day today. It's like I am wrestling each day with my sense

of well being. Challenged by my body and mind and diving into

the challenge of keeping things reasoned out. My sense of self is

variable and the 'thinking things through' and writing about them

has me feeling like I have a resource to draw on, in case I get lost.

Today I found myself weighing the pros and cons of 'always in balance'.

The serenity and illusive prospect of peace..

And then I also thought about the passionate and exuberant and expressive

side of life. I found balance in the holding of both ideas in my head...

I hit a wall though when the tasks around here were complete and the desired tv

shows ran dry....I thought and mulled it over and remembered

to give myself - to create - the next 'event' for myself - 

That idea gave me connection to the external world...not feeling blind or powerless

to fill in a tabula rasa..

and then what's more, I saw the chance and opportunity 

to not 'look a gift horse in the mouth.' I don't know if that's the 

encapsulating metaphor but the issue was for me, if I don't 

imagine a stellar or wonderful 'event' for myself - then

I've begun to ask...will I like it just a little?...and that's a good

enough compromise and decider for me! I can't love everything I plan to do..

and there's somethings I'll enjoy more than others..I feel grounded

again. I want to get some sleep but I have tons of energy.

Have a good night!!