too much thinkin'

Something about my day has me rattled. I had to take this visitor who has been here with us for over a month

out in the city.or rather I was asked to take her out while I did my personal errands.

She's a nice person - but I just really don't like having too much contact with her. She triggers me,

plus I have a fever and chills and aches all over. She sits only in the back seat of the car when I drive her(like

I am the chauffer) and then starts trying to ask to be taken so many different places spontaneously - 

as though I even have the knowledge of where everything is in the city. I live most of my time

in the monastery. She didn't make that leap of logic. But she suprised me today by saying she wanted

to see a dentist - without warning or an appointment and I had to scramble - well me and the sisters

had to scramble to help find her a dentist. Then after the fact she wanted to go to an organic pharmacy (whatever that is)
and then she wanted to go to a mall shopping for clothes. I didn't take her to either I just took her back

to the monastery and orhestrated tomorrow's dental appointment. Lord helps us if she can't afford it.

She has no insurance. I took her first to a public free clinic today and she said she did not want to go 

to a clinic - she wanted to go to a private dentist. Totally she is offered a hand and instead she takes the whole

arm. Sorry I guess this is me bashing. I don't know why I have such a headache.  I'll take my meds and go to sleep

soon. 

While I layed in bed early this evening (because I have a fever and chills etc.) my mind just started

to feel more and more pressure. Maybe it's not healthy for me to be alone? I mean I live in a wonderful 

community -  it's like a family - and yet we also kind of live on our individual planets in a meta - life

type way. I can't express it so well. I think I'm just like starting to see how I want to live - 

how I think I lean in a direction towards structuring my world and seeing myself in a certain light.

I am seeing that we each do that. And we each want attention in our own ways - possibly relational 

to that certain light. Anyways - I am fahklempt - I need to take my magic meds and go to sleep.

Sending big love and good vibes out to all youse guys :) .

Good night. xx