Too Much Pain
It's been a week since I lost my son, and a year and 2 weeks since I lost my husband. Jeffrey's funeral is on Tuesday, and I am dreading having to face the fact that he is gone, at only 20 years old. I really don't know how I am going to fare this time. My whole family has been wiped out. My heart is broken. My emotions have been up and down. One minute I'm sobbing uncontrollably, then I'm angry as Hell, and now, eerily calm...like I'm dead inside. I was just starting to come to terms with Tom's death when I was hit with Jeffrey's...and it was just so sudden. ..life is just so bloody unfair. It seems now all I want to do is sit and wait until it's my turn...I'll be 46 in a couple of days and I most sure as Hell don't want to try 'starting over'...can't take any more pain.
Replies
I do remember those feelings and so so sorry,,, to have to go through this alone... but you now have fmo mom\'s, (soth) sisters of the heart,,, always and forever standing hand in hand with you... I send to you my prayers... I hope they help even just a little... Nora
Oh dear Wendi, this new loss of your dear son is so very recent. Of course the pain can be so very unbearable, so very raw. It hits you in waves, one minute the calm, the next you\'re on your knees on the floor. It can be relentless. And the anger. I\'m familiar with all these emotions.
But dear Wendi, for me as the years went by, the raw pain softened, the waves receded and became less hostile, and the anger began to dissolve. It took time and everyone\'s timeline differ, but it can happen.
Just lean into it and go with the flow. Cry, scream, yell, sleep, do whatever you must to bring yourself some healing and peace. And don\'t apologize for your feelings and your tears. These are yours to feel as you need to and when you need to.
Please take care and be kind to yourself.
With tight hugs,
Diane
Wendi, I am so very sorry for the passing of your husband and your dear son. Jeffrey was too young..life can be so cruel sometimes. I have been on this horrific journey since 9/4/09 when my only child, Ed passed away suddenly from a heart attack at age 37. He had no prior symptoms. As Diane said, the raw pain does soften and gets easier to bear. I found writing here, a place where where we can share our child was a helpful part of the healing process. Sending you love, healing light and strength as you face the days ahead. Love, Linda, Ed\'s mom
So much to endure...but somehow you can and will. It seems impossible now,but you will have happiness again. Take one moment at a time...and remember we are here with and for you. Love and gentle hugs...Karen..mom of Alex.
I am so sorry for your losses. It does seem like such a lot in such a short time. There are so many emotions that come to pass after the loss of a loved one. We lost our older son, Josh, almost 7 years ago and it was very, very tough. It did get easier though and it was with the help of the wonderful women here that I even made it through. They understood when it seemed no one else was around. I hope this place helps you too. Meanwhile I will keep you in my prayers, Leda
My heart is breaking for you Wendi. I Know this past year was so hard for you loosing your Tom. And now your son. I cannot tell you enough how sorry I am to hear the news!! But I am relieved that there are fellow Mom\'s who also are standing in your shoes who more than anyone understand the heartache you are feeling. God Bless Them and You! I can only hope and pray in time, with the support and love from everyone you will find contentment one day and You Will Wendi. One day! One day you will smile again. We all do. Love, Diane
I\'m so sorry....wish I could say just the right thing to put your broken heart back together again....I can tell you it has been 29 months since losing my only child, Jennifer and some days are okay while other days I\'m not okay. ...I come here for support. ...keep coming back...I will be praying for you Tuesday. ... ((((hugs))) Vicki
SO very sorry for this double heart punch of the most epic of proportions. The only way I have found to live this path is by taking it one nano second and breath at a time. If I project too far into the future or look back into the past it sinks my boat every time. Be here now as you are and know that loving care is surrounding you.
Hand in hand and Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way Wendi. Words cannot express my sorrow for your loss(es). Hang in there g\'friend. We\'re here. Love ya!
Thinking of you and wishing you strength to get through the funeral and beyond. Love and Big Hugs, Martha
I am heartbroken for you. I am so terribly sorry. My friend lost her 24 year old son last summer and now just lost her 53 year old spouse. My heart breaks for you both. All I know is you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have left. You will find it. We are all here for you. Prayers for comfort in the days ahead. Much love. Robin
Our path is the same with our sorrow. I am sending you some vibes of healing. Knowing full well that no matter what, I truly understand your pain and wish it was not so. Peace. Kathy