Too much

I apologize, if these journals are too much, I understand...

god willing at least I think they help me understand and give back to folks in confessionals and in general serving the community here at the monastery and here online..

I'm asking myself 'what do I want?' And at first the phrase said by Prince William which I heard he brought up was the concept of his being 'always available emotionally' which was something he liked about himself. I wondered did I want to be emotionally available always. I'm unable unfortunately it seems. But do I want someone to be emotionally available for me is something to ask myself too?? What does that need manifest in my life and how does it manifest for others? The whole idea of each of us being alone in life but wanting connection and assurance is helping me keep mindful. We then have to shift gears and get back to our work.

Are we all like that to an extent? There must be different answers for different people, for some it's feasible for some not to be emotionally available and people might find their need for connection and reassurance in different creative ways?? . What am I attracted to in life? I think I'm understanding.