too much

i'm feeling VERY on edge. VERY. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that i yet again forgot my meds this moring. Just realized my error, and just took them. For now however.... hands shaking knee jurking, cant concentrait on anything. I would love to just dissapear. I hate mardi gras. I know its supposed to be fun, but oh man i do hate it so much. So many people, so much noise, so many "things" happening.I really cant concentrait. My heart is racing. I keep envisioning me rolling my car. It seems like it would be fun. I dont know.... i'm tyring to just sit down and take a break for a bit, untill these sort of calm down. The urge to cut... or to just slam my head into the wall...no. no i should'nt do that. I hate the sound of the phone. I peirces me to the bone. The phone at work wont stop ringing. People moveing people talking people woking people too close. I feel guilty for  feeling this way. I like the people that i work with, but today.... I just cant take it. God i hope the meds kick in soon.I HATE BEING DEPENDENT ON THOSE DAMN THINGS!!!!!!!! i'm so glad i can take them so i can handle life. i hate me.