too much
i'm feeling VERY on edge. VERY. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that i yet again forgot my meds this moring. Just realized my error, and just took them. For now however.... hands shaking knee jurking, cant concentrait on anything. I would love to just dissapear. I hate mardi gras. I know its supposed to be fun, but oh man i do hate it so much. So many people, so much noise, so many "things" happening.I really cant concentrait. My heart is racing. I keep envisioning me rolling my car. It seems like it would be fun. I dont know.... i'm tyring to just sit down and take a break for a bit, untill these sort of calm down. The urge to cut... or to just slam my head into the wall...no. no i should'nt do that. I hate the sound of the phone. I peirces me to the bone. The phone at work wont stop ringing. People moveing people talking people woking people too close. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I like the people that i work with, but today.... I just cant take it. God i hope the meds kick in soon.I HATE BEING DEPENDENT ON THOSE DAMN THINGS!!!!!!!! i'm so glad i can take them so i can handle life. i hate me.
Replies
oh Keith... i just saw this entry. i\'m so sorry that you\'re feeling this way. cyber hugs don\'t really cut it, do they? i wish i could give you a REAL one; let you know that you\'re not alone, and that someone cares.
i hate meds as well, and it sucks having to take them all the time. however it is HORRIBLE when we forget them. i understand whigging out, and the suicidal thoughts and wanting to cut. it\'ll be a minute before i forget my New Years memories.
but it\'s the meds talking and making you feel on EDGE around people, and within yourself. it\'s not who you really are. it\'s been almost a hours since you wrote your entry so i hope the meds are kicking in...?
don\'t hurt yourself, Sweetie. D & D need you (YES THEY DO!), I need you Keith. but beyond all that... you are BETTER THAN SUICIDE. you are too precious for cutting. you have a lot to learn, but far more to give before your time is up. you inspire me because you keep limping on... enduring... growing. keep going Keith, keep going.
EXTRA xoxo ~ Jo
Hi guy.
I hear ya. You know what it is? Yes, part of it is forgetting the medication (I hate the word meds!!) but more than that, I bet it\'s the letter to the abuser. Which was fantastic by the way. I know it\'s been a few days since you wrote this, and I hope you\'re in a better place mentally now. If you\'re anything like me you might be starting to come around a bit. If you\'re still there though, take heart, this WILL pass! You will not feel like this always.
Hope you\'re ok and that I\'ll hear from you soon.
Melanie