Tonight's the night..nervous

Well, tonight is the night that my boyfriend is going out to the casino with friends and then to a party. I'm really anxious and nervous about it. It helps that I have to work this weekend so that will keep me busy, but only until 10pm. I know that I can trust him, it's just the fact of actually doing so that is the problem. I know that my insecurities have nothing to do with him and that all the things i'm thinking in my head I am making up. It's just hard to know how i'm going to react. One thing I need to try and avoid is drinking. I always turn to the  bottle and it's been an issue with me for quite some time. Living by myself however makes it easier to drink and not have anyone know. I broke down the other day and bought a bottle of liquor, have only taken a few sips though. I find that after not drinking for so long due to being sick it doesn't taste the same, and i'm afraid i'll get bad stomach pains if I drink. So at least I have that holding me back. But I know if I get upset or anxious enough i'll drink. My bf is trying to be as reassuring as he can be, he really doesn't understand just how much reassurance I need. I need more from him.  But I need to give him his freedom or i'll suffocate him. I need to try and keep myself busy. Being alone makes it worse. But he did say that he'd spend Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday nights with me after he gets out of work. So he's trying to make me feel better. So I just have to remember to breathe...and know that i'm loved.