Tomorrow I'm headed to orientation

Tomorrow I'm headed to orientation for Schneider National in Carlisle, PA. I don't know why I feel so down, so sad. I feel all used up like a broken down car. When I look at my past, all I see is failure. I wonder what's going to be different this time. I wish I was excited but instead I feel like my life has sunk.

I'm not looking forward to the struggle of having to adapt to a new job and new circumstances. I'm Autistic so as I get older it only gets harder. At least I know this depression is situation. It's entirely possible that once I get rolling, I'll feel better.

I also really miss my cat Ashleigh of 18 years. She died last fall. She was my companion and care giver. She knew when it was time for me to take my medicine and would remind me with a meow and rattle the bottle. I think I was her big kitten. When I last drove as truck, she came with me. She would sleep on the truck's dashboard while I was driving. Before I went to sleep, she would methodically groom me like she would a kitten. It was very relaxing. Obviously she won't be with me this time. If she sensed I was stressed she would stare at me, blink, and chirp meow. Female cats do this to their kittens to relax them. I am sure she was telling me to relax, that everything would be okay.