today while at work

things are good today, feel healthy and not so burdened by anxiety. I think I have to find work that involves some sense

of who I hope to be and what I care about...I know survival is essential - and having a job and making that income to take care of myself is essential.

Maybe when I start to work at California Wildlife Center that will be and involve more of what I am about.

I feel selfish for talking about this.

Today while at work I felt delicate but I worked hard and it was like I was just working in my own world, amongst others who were working in their own worlds.

Then one of my coworkers started to give me a hard time - and I half jokingly said "Whoa there!" 

I came home and now I kind of need to find what relaxes me or what seems worthwhile. Is it that I hold myself to a high standard

and can't deliver an acceptable form of being productive with my time?

It's weird I think I am learning that I am a part of a group or many groups. I wish I could find something that was a fulfilling good use of my time... maybe this is it. Maybe writing my feelings and experiences is what relaxes me and feels like I am keeping my spiritual or emotional house in order.

I started reading the Bible recently and that has been really gratifying. Will write more later.