Today was terrible...
First of all my daughter is doing very well. Small subtle changes in feeling and sensation below her chest. Becoming much stronger bench pressing 38lbs from 15 lbs. Great! I've become super busy now that we are trying to reactivate the stem cells that now have been planted and starting to grow. Gym, OT, Aqua Therapy, Accupuncture, and Chiropractor...for now. And I'm still trying to get at least 20 hours of work in there. Her core muscles are continuing to get stronger and we have found trace movements in her legs in aqua therapy! Very encouraging.
Now the bad day, I forward the X and article written about relationships from the same author of a book that i sent to him. I know what was I thinking. He most likely didn't read the book either. Well i didn't expect a response but he did. He outlines all the reason he left and acusing me of this or that. Well it went back and forth. I feel horrible that I caved in to this. Ridiculous I know better. Then I start to believe what he's written. When will I get a set of balls to stick up for myself. I don't know why he responded to me. Even he knows better. All it did was bring me down for another crying session that I didn't need. Calling my therapist in the morning for a session. Why am I still struggling.?
Now the bad day, I forward the X and article written about relationships from the same author of a book that i sent to him. I know what was I thinking. He most likely didn't read the book either. Well i didn't expect a response but he did. He outlines all the reason he left and acusing me of this or that. Well it went back and forth. I feel horrible that I caved in to this. Ridiculous I know better. Then I start to believe what he's written. When will I get a set of balls to stick up for myself. I don't know why he responded to me. Even he knows better. All it did was bring me down for another crying session that I didn't need. Calling my therapist in the morning for a session. Why am I still struggling.?
Replies
I feel if you go NO Contact with him it truly will help. I know it helped me.
Hugs to you-prayers for you and your daughter
Okay, you did something you know you shouldn\'t. You\'ve had a good cy and that should have brought you some clarity to your life.
You are certainly staying busy and under quite a bit of stress. Stress for a good reason with your daughter but still stress is stress.
Chalk this up to a learning expereince and start over. You know you are not all those things he tore into you about. Who is the one caring for his daughter? You are very strong to do all of this for your daughter. I\'m not sure I could do all that you are doing. Go no contact with this man unless it concerns your daughter.
LisaMarie:
Sending X that article or book or whatever is just like locking the barn door after the horse has been stolen. It\'s of no use. He\'s NOT listening and he\'s NOT looking back and he\'s NOT going to change. Somehow, you must get to the point of total acceptance and then you will be able to close the door on what was. It\'s over. Now get moving forward into your own new life. You have alot on your plate right now, but it does sound like things are improving for your daughter. Focus on that! xoxo