today was so rough that I'm packing it up and vaulting myself......
headlong into tomorrow.
i got lots of knots to untie, lots of whine to go with all the world's cheese.
i miss my sharp mind. miss it. i miss calm. i miss getting things quickly. i miss being brave and forging ahead. i miss a lot of stuff.
i miss being bright and witty and smart and pretty......ok, so maybe i'm not completely unfortunate looking, but pretty rhymes with witty..............and i have got to cheer up.
my earlier long winded complaint (hurt mad crying post) was a huge downer. felt like my brain was a giant skillet and everything that hit it exploded like monster popcorn kernels. i couldn't get it together or keep it together ------lost it, can't find it.
i cried a lot today. i haven't done that in a loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnng time my friend. i feel pretty sorry for myself. life is hard.......the details, the facts, the figures, the minutae. it's hard and sometimes i can't slough it off, it hits me right in the face.
if i can pack today up and put it into a box, add strapping tape so it can't pop back open, then maybe i can begin tomorrow today, right now. i need fresh, a do over. i hope i won't always turn into hurt mad mush every time i have tough stuff to deal with. it's so hard sometimes...........to deal with that hard leftover pride center. the one that remembers what i could do well. i was good at my career, i had a lot of people counting on me ......my boss had my back, believed in me.......and now i'm a slug over a few business calls. i'm not a cream puff.....i just a puff. all air,no guts. no strength. whooped by dollar signs and tentative apathetic people.
i need a parent. wish i could be little again for an hour or so and climb in to a safe lap and be rocked to sleep. i'm so tired..........................tired and sadding.
silly putty, wobbly as all get out and lost in my sorrow.
all the king's horses and all the kings men couldn't put wonky bird together again............hit pause, then delete and then press down hard on the tomorrow button. let go of today let it go..................sigh.
i got lots of knots to untie, lots of whine to go with all the world's cheese.
i miss my sharp mind. miss it. i miss calm. i miss getting things quickly. i miss being brave and forging ahead. i miss a lot of stuff.
i miss being bright and witty and smart and pretty......ok, so maybe i'm not completely unfortunate looking, but pretty rhymes with witty..............and i have got to cheer up.
my earlier long winded complaint (hurt mad crying post) was a huge downer. felt like my brain was a giant skillet and everything that hit it exploded like monster popcorn kernels. i couldn't get it together or keep it together ------lost it, can't find it.
i cried a lot today. i haven't done that in a loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnng time my friend. i feel pretty sorry for myself. life is hard.......the details, the facts, the figures, the minutae. it's hard and sometimes i can't slough it off, it hits me right in the face.
if i can pack today up and put it into a box, add strapping tape so it can't pop back open, then maybe i can begin tomorrow today, right now. i need fresh, a do over. i hope i won't always turn into hurt mad mush every time i have tough stuff to deal with. it's so hard sometimes...........to deal with that hard leftover pride center. the one that remembers what i could do well. i was good at my career, i had a lot of people counting on me ......my boss had my back, believed in me.......and now i'm a slug over a few business calls. i'm not a cream puff.....i just a puff. all air,no guts. no strength. whooped by dollar signs and tentative apathetic people.
i need a parent. wish i could be little again for an hour or so and climb in to a safe lap and be rocked to sleep. i'm so tired..........................tired and sadding.
silly putty, wobbly as all get out and lost in my sorrow.
all the king's horses and all the kings men couldn't put wonky bird together again............hit pause, then delete and then press down hard on the tomorrow button. let go of today let it go..................sigh.
Replies
Sorry to hear and know you are hurting/suffering today (((((( Serce))))
I have bad days and times like this as well,and its an awful feeling
I encourage you to be compassionate/loving with yourself and do something nice for You. What were some ways in childhood that helped you feel comforted,and do some of those things/actions for yourself if you can and if its possible. I like to read Winnie the Pooh books on days like these for myself. Hot chocolate/or green tea is a fave of mine as well....what would help you get through this rough time my friend? Gentle Hugs/Compassion/Greenies xo
Oh dear. Yea, one of those \"do over\" days. Yes I SO get that you miss your old self. Your old boss....the people that new your value and believed in you and gave you affirmation and strength to move forward. You\'re feeling the loss of that today. Doesn\'t have to be any particular day when we hit that particular pit, but Sparrow, you ain\'t alone.
I cry! A lot actually. Sometimes alone, and sometimes when I\'m praying....and often I just blubber all over my husband. We were just invited to my two (out of three) g/kids first dance recital in PA on June eighth. Here I am in week three of pretty lousy crash and unable to commit to this date. If hubby goes alone, he will have to stay overnight in PA because the event is an evening affair, and he\'d fall asleep driving home alone. I want to go SO badly....but I won\'t know until THAT day if I can go or not! I HATE THAT!
WHINE, yes, I WHINE about that....about not being able to make plans. About feeling the loss of the old spunky me! I just know I would have been a rockin Nana if I could move.
Yea, you need a do over. You needed a good whine too. Gonna pray that God sends you one of those little \"angel things\" He sends to let you know that He\'s sittin beside ya. OK? OK!! Expect a little angel thing. You\'ll know it when you see it!!
Crying is necessary and good and cleansing and a big stress reliever. Sad to read that you did, but kinda glad too...get it out! I\'m sorry you\'re in that nasty pity pit and we all go there and we all understand. Makes it more fun if you invite your DS friends to a pity party....I\'ve had a few in the past, and likely more during life\'s journey up ahead. Like D says, do over, get a good movie in, treat yourself to things you love. When I\'m down, I pull out the thankful list and that helps flip that pity coin over..... love you....xxoo
Oh Ruthie I am so with you. I cry allot too...more than I will admit. Like today, I loss my balance twice in the kitchen. I catch my fall but hit the side of the door frame. Ouch!!! I just sat and cried about tht and everything else. I hate that my legs are weak & my ams too. You have a right to these kinds of days! We are all human. Dealing with nasty people on the phone is no fun. Your insurance co should have given you a head up on this increase. I would be angry, mad, & upset all in one. We have our brain fog but you are right e arn\'t stupid! Maybe you can talk to Sam about this. Being he\'s a home owner. Maybe his insurance is going up too. You are a very loving caring person. Don\'t let this get to you. You will get it figured out. Have a Ruthie day tomorrow if you are up to it. Go to the bakery and get yourself a nice tasty cupcake. Go have your toes painted purple :). Did I make you smile??? A little bit. :). Love you xo
I\'m so sorry my little bird friend....sad that you have had such a hard day physically and emotionally. I hope it helps u to know we have all been there and that we get it. I hope u know we love and show you....your brave outlook on life...your love of simple pleasures...your kindness towards nature.... s some days my goal is to simply get it over with.... I\'m hoping the sun comes out glorious and bright for you tomorrow. Rest well my friend.... and know she can fly even with a broken wing cool