Today was a rough one!
This morning I told a lie to my wife. I collected my thoughts and told the truth after a few seconds, but the knee jerk reaction had already done the damage. My wife basically shut me out for most of the day. I did try to make a grand gesture as an apology, but it didn't really land with her, so needless to say today was extremely tough on us as a married couple.
The lie was dumb and the knee jerk reaction absolutely killed me. I saw it happening and I didn't stop myself quick enough. I am not happy with myself as a husband or a person. My wife pretty much hates me at this point. It's to the point where I'm really not sure if she wants to continue our marriage, or so she says. I want nothing more than to be with her the rest of my life, and I feel that deep down she feels the same way. This is something I HAVE to beat if I want any kind of life with my wife. She always has and always will mean the world to me.
I wish I could snap my fingers and make everything better in 5 seconds, but tragically that can't happen. I'll have to show her over time that I can make a change for the better, even if she's doesn't believe that a change will happen, I need to do my best to prove her wrong for the sake of my family. They need a loving husband/father that they can trust and rely on for support throughout their lives. I haven't shown enough of that in the recent past. I wish I could change what happened this past week, but all I control is the future from here on out. I'm not forgetting the past by any means, but I need to create a new beginning for the future.
There are definitely going to be some growing pains for the knee jerk reactions. I have to stay positive that I can beat this thing no matter what. Whatever obstacle gets thrown my way, I need to dust myself off and improve myself moving forward. Staying positive is the key to this thing. Reassuring myself that I am the one who is in control of my future with my wife. I control how I react to things and it's my responsibility. I need to stop looking at it as a disorder and look at it as an opportunity to make myself a better husband. I am in the driver's seat, I just need to execute and make my dreams of becoming a completely honest/trustworthy husband a reality.
The lie was dumb and the knee jerk reaction absolutely killed me. I saw it happening and I didn't stop myself quick enough. I am not happy with myself as a husband or a person. My wife pretty much hates me at this point. It's to the point where I'm really not sure if she wants to continue our marriage, or so she says. I want nothing more than to be with her the rest of my life, and I feel that deep down she feels the same way. This is something I HAVE to beat if I want any kind of life with my wife. She always has and always will mean the world to me.
I wish I could snap my fingers and make everything better in 5 seconds, but tragically that can't happen. I'll have to show her over time that I can make a change for the better, even if she's doesn't believe that a change will happen, I need to do my best to prove her wrong for the sake of my family. They need a loving husband/father that they can trust and rely on for support throughout their lives. I haven't shown enough of that in the recent past. I wish I could change what happened this past week, but all I control is the future from here on out. I'm not forgetting the past by any means, but I need to create a new beginning for the future.
There are definitely going to be some growing pains for the knee jerk reactions. I have to stay positive that I can beat this thing no matter what. Whatever obstacle gets thrown my way, I need to dust myself off and improve myself moving forward. Staying positive is the key to this thing. Reassuring myself that I am the one who is in control of my future with my wife. I control how I react to things and it's my responsibility. I need to stop looking at it as a disorder and look at it as an opportunity to make myself a better husband. I am in the driver's seat, I just need to execute and make my dreams of becoming a completely honest/trustworthy husband a reality.
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