Today Sucked
Long story short, I woke up at 5pm. Eric was gone and I was in a shitty mood all day.
[Here's the venting part]
I hate waking up past 3. I fell like shit if I do. It pisses me off and the fact that Eric was gone when I woke up, pissed me off even more. He didn't even leave a note, that just added to the frustration. I don't have much of a day when I wake up that late but quite honestly, I sleep so I don't have to deal with the kids all day and also because I stay up all night so I can have 'Me Time.'
I feel bad because Eric has to do all of the work but he tells me the kids' aren't my responsibility and I use that to my advantage. I'm already to the point of giving up and that's why I don't want to be around the kids for too long. They piss me off and stress me out to the point where I just want to tell Eric he has to go. I don't want to break his heart but I may have to for my own sanity. I have never been with somebody who is so good to me. He is the man I want to marry but his kids make it hard to fully commit to that decision.
I don't know if I'll be able to handle them as they get older. The way they act now is already uncontrollable and out of my hands. They don't listen AT ALL and they talk back constantly. Do I need to start whooping their asses? Sitting them down and talking with them does no good at all. I don't know how else to discipline them. How are they going to be 5 years from now??? I can only see the future getting worse for all of us and this fucked up attitude of mine may play a part in it. How in the hell am I going to change myself so that I can be better for this family??? How do I change myself into a mom? I'm too just negative right now. I think I need a break so I can fix myself. Then again, I should've taken a break when I had the chance after me and my ex split but I was reunited with Eric and I couldn't let him go once I had him.
I don't know what to do. Do I keep living depressed, stressed, and pissed off all the time or do I challenge my heart and push away the man I love more than anyone else, all for the sake of my sanity?
There is no easy way out of this. I need to talk to Eric about how I feel. Usually I write him on facebook because it's hard for me to share my feelings in front of him but this needs to be talked about in person. I hope I can break down my wall.
[Here's the venting part]
I hate waking up past 3. I fell like shit if I do. It pisses me off and the fact that Eric was gone when I woke up, pissed me off even more. He didn't even leave a note, that just added to the frustration. I don't have much of a day when I wake up that late but quite honestly, I sleep so I don't have to deal with the kids all day and also because I stay up all night so I can have 'Me Time.'
I feel bad because Eric has to do all of the work but he tells me the kids' aren't my responsibility and I use that to my advantage. I'm already to the point of giving up and that's why I don't want to be around the kids for too long. They piss me off and stress me out to the point where I just want to tell Eric he has to go. I don't want to break his heart but I may have to for my own sanity. I have never been with somebody who is so good to me. He is the man I want to marry but his kids make it hard to fully commit to that decision.
I don't know if I'll be able to handle them as they get older. The way they act now is already uncontrollable and out of my hands. They don't listen AT ALL and they talk back constantly. Do I need to start whooping their asses? Sitting them down and talking with them does no good at all. I don't know how else to discipline them. How are they going to be 5 years from now??? I can only see the future getting worse for all of us and this fucked up attitude of mine may play a part in it. How in the hell am I going to change myself so that I can be better for this family??? How do I change myself into a mom? I'm too just negative right now. I think I need a break so I can fix myself. Then again, I should've taken a break when I had the chance after me and my ex split but I was reunited with Eric and I couldn't let him go once I had him.
I don't know what to do. Do I keep living depressed, stressed, and pissed off all the time or do I challenge my heart and push away the man I love more than anyone else, all for the sake of my sanity?
There is no easy way out of this. I need to talk to Eric about how I feel. Usually I write him on facebook because it's hard for me to share my feelings in front of him but this needs to be talked about in person. I hope I can break down my wall.
Replies