Today"s Truth

So here's the truth as I understand it at this moment.
We, I, was taught that I pleased people for all the cute little things I did as an infant and child. It became an identity, for my survival. If I did good, if I was good, I could get people (mommy and daddy, extended family, teachers, friends) to give me what I wanted: to feel happy about myself. Then I grew up. But I kept the same belief. The belief was (is) that if I pleased everyone I would and could survive, and if I didn't, I would die. That I couldn't survive on my own. If I made anyone unhappy,or didn't save them from their unhappiness, I was bad, I would be rejected, and I couldn't survive. Fine. But that's not the end of the story.
Even if I stopped pleasing everyone else, I wasn't (am not) happy and secure. It is because of that conditioning to please. It became an identity: "Who I am". So a funny thing happened. It was no longer that I had to please OTHERS, I had to please MYSELF. It's called a "projection", of my beliefs, about my identity: "that I must please others to survive or I'll die in the external world", except that I decided to believe I must judge myself too. 
So now, if I am not good enough for myself, if I'm not perfect, I refuse to help myself or feel worthy of myself because of the standards I set for my beliefs. If I am not perfect and good enough, I am not to like myself, or help myself, or feel I deserve to survive, or take of myself. The people-pleasing is a projection OUTside, for what I want INside: to please myself. And I will not allow myself to do that, since I'm never pleasing enough, for me. All the people pleasing is to make me feel good, about myself. I am the one I want to please.
It all starts in childhood, innocently enough, by our parents who lied to us about how every little thing we did was so wonderful, beautiful, magnificent. They exaggerated our successes, we pleased them to no end because of the joy "we" gave them. In fact, they just enjoyed us. We didn't really please them, they felt pleased in order to make themselves feel good. 
We made the mistake it was all about us, and us being "perfect" and "beautiful" little angels. It wasn't true, but we believed we were responsible. We controlled their feelings (not true, they did that themselves), we pleased them (No, they pleased themselves) and we took credit. And that became our identity: we please people, and that pleases us. If we can't please others, we cannot be pleased with ourselves.
So when we can't please others enough, we feel guilty. In fact, we can never please others because everyone controls their own feelings, and thoughts. If it were possible for others to be pleased by what we do, THEY would be able to DO IT to us. Yet, we're unhappy with ourselves no matter what they say or do for us. Right?!
The only cure I can think of is to be happy with pleasing ourselves, with who we are, as we are; and we have nothing to prove, to anyone else or ourselves, in order to feel good about ourselves. In the end, it is ourselves we're trying so hard to please anyway, by being pleasing. Once you stop that connection, or thought, that I can only feel pleased with myself when I please others, it gets easier. I can please myself whether I completely please others or not. I don't have to prove I deserve to be pleased with myself. I really don't.
The love and affection we want is not from outside, it is from inside. You are really trying to be pleased with yourself, and you think you need permission from someone else, anyone else, everyone else. Anyone but you.
You don't trust you are good enough to be you.
That's the thought, the belief, the voice, that needs to be changed.
Easily explained, hard to do. It is a core issue, core beliefs are difficult to change quickly. It takes time, and effort. And it can be done. 
At least that's my opinion.