Today - Just a bit sad
I was so upset and mad yesterday and most of the evening. Today, I'm just really sad. It's so hard and I feel so badly - just about everything.
The anger is still there, just at life, the world, the system in general, I guess. There are times that you have just overcome abuse, devastation, trials and are finally seeing that one glimpse of peace and boom - some person that likely has no experience whatsoever in what all you are just trying to see the light from kicks you back down before you are even quite upright again.
Today, I'm just crying because I've come through so much, done so much, made it on my own, through my daughter's abuse, my son's losing his dad and his own guilt, my own issues with the betrayal and I've stood strong, fought the school out of concern and support of my son and what I get is another mess to make it through.
So many times it's been repeated over and over that God doesn't give one more than they can handle and that good people sometimes get more to handle because they can, because they keep that faith.
All I know is that it's not because we're strong or because we can handle it, but maybe because we are good, we have no choice but to handle it, to stand up and to keep moving forward no matter what. Because, I did get up today and through my tears went to class, then called the medical doctor to get the process of medical evidence/support, then called my son's therapist and psychiatrist so I can get that evidence/support, and even managed a call to the orthodontist to get my son's braces going. Now that I've accomplished what I can and it's still over 100 degrees, I'm going to go weep into my pillow and have a small rest for the remainder of the afternoon. I think I deserve it.
The anger is still there, just at life, the world, the system in general, I guess. There are times that you have just overcome abuse, devastation, trials and are finally seeing that one glimpse of peace and boom - some person that likely has no experience whatsoever in what all you are just trying to see the light from kicks you back down before you are even quite upright again.
Today, I'm just crying because I've come through so much, done so much, made it on my own, through my daughter's abuse, my son's losing his dad and his own guilt, my own issues with the betrayal and I've stood strong, fought the school out of concern and support of my son and what I get is another mess to make it through.
So many times it's been repeated over and over that God doesn't give one more than they can handle and that good people sometimes get more to handle because they can, because they keep that faith.
All I know is that it's not because we're strong or because we can handle it, but maybe because we are good, we have no choice but to handle it, to stand up and to keep moving forward no matter what. Because, I did get up today and through my tears went to class, then called the medical doctor to get the process of medical evidence/support, then called my son's therapist and psychiatrist so I can get that evidence/support, and even managed a call to the orthodontist to get my son's braces going. Now that I've accomplished what I can and it's still over 100 degrees, I'm going to go weep into my pillow and have a small rest for the remainder of the afternoon. I think I deserve it.
Replies
GOOD ON YOU FOR YOUR ATTITUDE....INSPIRES ME...THANKS...PEACE TO YOU..XXXX
I am thinking that some people are destructive in the name of power and others are not into power over so as well, they are not into destruction.
When it all seems to be way too much instead of falling into the victim do not take it personal. See it as how things can go ... and believe me it isn\'t over. That is the thing. I look daily at everything on my plate knowing full well I am always working in every area. All the bad stuff that can happen rotates through all areas.
When I take the strikes the world hands out personal I am a victim. When i see that this stuff happens and I deal ... not allowing it to claim the power of my existence as if to say This happens because of me etc ...
There are far to many people with misfortune and it is not personal and it is not about who has the most or least strength.
This situation triggered the pain body and when that file comes up the entire history of so called the pain of defeat arises. Now when this happens for me because it does. I immediately work to not identify with that old theme. I work to see it as a opportunity to grow out of identifying the circumstances at hand. People pull crap. Some larger then others . i could write a list of all the crap that came up in the past year thus far. I keep on going. I deal the best I can as it arises and I am always on the look out for new options. Where there is a will there is a way. It is not what happens it is how one deals with what happens and it all happens more or less. It makes my focus on enjoying the personal life i create that much more important and specialized. There are so many hands out there looking for trouble.
For the tears... it is fine to cry them out but listen to what they say about you. Seems like you are doing this. The pain body folder (your history of pain) exists. How do you work with it today? Do you believe what it has to say about your power?
You are doing great. You got things done which says that despite your emotional break you keep on going and this is the point ... it gets easier as more thing land in your corner because you have hauled butt to get things done. Takes some time to accumulate ... so the next time the folder opens by means of trigger and you taste victim it will not be so believable. You will have an empowered experience to speak from. I really think this will happen in the court deal.
Now days I call this kind of stuff mundane human dramatics. There will always be a narc in the crowd and if you can figure it out the sooner the better .