Today - Just a bit sad
I was so upset and mad yesterday and most of the evening. Today, I'm just really sad. It's so hard and I feel so badly - just about everything.
The anger is still there, just at life, the world, the system in general, I guess. There are times that you have just overcome abuse, devastation, trials and are finally seeing that one glimpse of peace and boom - some person that likely has no experience whatsoever in what all you are just trying to see the light from kicks you back down before you are even quite upright again.
Today, I'm just crying because I've come through so much, done so much, made it on my own, through my daughter's abuse, my son's losing his dad and his own guilt, my own issues with the betrayal and I've stood strong, fought the school out of concern and support of my son and what I get is another mess to make it through.
So many times it's been repeated over and over that God doesn't give one more than they can handle and that good people sometimes get more to handle because they can, because they keep that faith.
All I know is that it's not because we're strong or because we can handle it, but maybe because we are good, we have no choice but to handle it, to stand up and to keep moving forward no matter what. Because, I did get up today and through my tears went to class, then called the medical doctor to get the process of medical evidence/support, then called my son's therapist and psychiatrist so I can get that evidence/support, and even managed a call to the orthodontist to get my son's braces going. Now that I've accomplished what I can and it's still over 100 degrees, I'm going to go weep into my pillow and have a small rest for the remainder of the afternoon. I think I deserve it.
The anger is still there, just at life, the world, the system in general, I guess. There are times that you have just overcome abuse, devastation, trials and are finally seeing that one glimpse of peace and boom - some person that likely has no experience whatsoever in what all you are just trying to see the light from kicks you back down before you are even quite upright again.
Today, I'm just crying because I've come through so much, done so much, made it on my own, through my daughter's abuse, my son's losing his dad and his own guilt, my own issues with the betrayal and I've stood strong, fought the school out of concern and support of my son and what I get is another mess to make it through.
So many times it's been repeated over and over that God doesn't give one more than they can handle and that good people sometimes get more to handle because they can, because they keep that faith.
All I know is that it's not because we're strong or because we can handle it, but maybe because we are good, we have no choice but to handle it, to stand up and to keep moving forward no matter what. Because, I did get up today and through my tears went to class, then called the medical doctor to get the process of medical evidence/support, then called my son's therapist and psychiatrist so I can get that evidence/support, and even managed a call to the orthodontist to get my son's braces going. Now that I've accomplished what I can and it's still over 100 degrees, I'm going to go weep into my pillow and have a small rest for the remainder of the afternoon. I think I deserve it.
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