Today is another day

It' s  been a few days since I wrote in my journal. I  doing okay. I making a  career change from computers into pharmacy. I don't want to, but the job market really sucks for me right now. I have work  for about six months. I deciding to pick up a 8 month trade to get a little consistant money. I can sit and wait for things to change for me. I want consistancy! I don't want to see how we going to pay rent or bills or shift money around. I tired of asking our family money. My family is fucking worthless. I told them I was having gastric bypass surgery a month ago. Why in the hell I haven't got the money yet. I  would  ask them if it wasn't of the essence. My family are good people, but they are not dependable. I still feel with anger when they disapoint me with promise of the pass. I'm 31 but when I feel that type of disapointment, I feel like I'm 16 all over again. I feel some torn guilt because when my mom died, my brother took me on when he just got married. I feel some responsibility of things. I needed the discipline because was out of control. My mom gotten old and she just didn't have the strength to handle me.  I need the discipline but some of the stuff my sista in law did took it too far. I love my brother and idolize him but I wish he stand up in his own fucking house. He can man up in his own house. This has nothing to do with macho pride, it has to do with being comfortable. If shouldn't keep silence if you see something is wrong. For that I have hate toward him. I VOWED IN MY MARRIAGE I WOULD NOT BACK DOWN AND MAN UP IN MY HOUSE! I still T.O.  I just freedom from my past and want to be free from anger and resentment because It don't help me, only hurt.