Today I start
Today I try to reboot my life. I am not part of a couple. Even though our divorce isn't final, I am not a Mrs. I can't turn to him for any kind of help, so I must be self-reliant. I am shaking in my shoes, but hey, I'm dressed, I'm at work as usual, and other than the bombshell that was dropped into my life, everything else goes on around me unchanged. I will be a good mom to my kids. I will eventually forgive my ex, but not today. And not for a while. As for his "mistress", I can't pray for her. She is a dirty piece of chewed up gum that someone spit out and it got stuck under my shoe. I just try not to think about her at all, so praying for her is out.
Right now I just struggle with the questions, "Will I ever feel normal? Will I ever stop crying? Will it ever stop hurting? When will this nightmare end?"
And I realize that perhaps it will go on for years, but I am praying for some day to day improvement. Because this is the worst that I have felt since my beloved father passed away.
That man I married? He doesn't exist anymore. SO I guess that woman who married him doesn't exist anymore. And I have got to get this woman into a healthy mental state so that I can be the best mom, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, and maybe someday, lover, that she can possibly be.
Right now I just struggle with the questions, "Will I ever feel normal? Will I ever stop crying? Will it ever stop hurting? When will this nightmare end?"
And I realize that perhaps it will go on for years, but I am praying for some day to day improvement. Because this is the worst that I have felt since my beloved father passed away.
That man I married? He doesn't exist anymore. SO I guess that woman who married him doesn't exist anymore. And I have got to get this woman into a healthy mental state so that I can be the best mom, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, and maybe someday, lover, that she can possibly be.
Replies
You have a great attitude. Sometimes in life you have to fake it till you make it. Carry on and do what must be done. If you cry, don\'t be hard on yourself. Crying can be cathartic. I did a lot of my crying in the shower. My son was a senior in HS and my daughter a sophomore when my divorce was final. I can relate to a lot of what you are going through. (((HUGS))) Prayers for peace and lots of loving help to show up in your life
As Misred said you have an amazingly good attitude, and I believe that is going to be invaluable in helping you to find your way through this nightmare you have found yourself in.
You will be normal, in fact one day you will be an amazingly strong, awesome woman, and beware world because you will be ready to take it on.
But for now you need to allow yourself the freedom to feel what you do and to go through the different stages of the grieving process, so that you can heal. Many prayers that you can once again find your inner peace and joy. ((((hugs))))