today and tonight

first i gotta say I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE AND LETTING US BE A PART
OF LIFE WITH EACH OTHER!!!!

I wrote this to the Elder of the monastery tonight. It was a challenging day and so I wrote him:

I went to a retreat today with Fr. Anastasios and Sr. Sedonia and Eija. I was feeling socially nervous when I got there and I was thinking of the pain each of us has and tries to conceal when being social. We each carry it yet have to have it fuel our compassion for each other. And considering that kind of commonality can be a door of insight for the compassion towards others and a sense of relaxing amongst peers. We started the discussion, with the students, and I had to excuse myself for a moment and on the way back I thought of how I try and shore up my sense of confidence or well being in the world sometimes with ‘of the world’ things. Food or thinking of feelings and a drink or physicality . But then I thought I am spending time in the spiritual community and the things that ought to be considered are the spiritual reinforcements as there seems a disconnect for me (here where I am) in how to relate and feel comfortable. By being in touch with the virtues of God, that idea seemed to give a good perspective ( does that make sense?) I can get so detailed in life considering the physical world too much - I mean in terms of all the things I mentioned. Steadying myself with thoughts on God seemed to be like prayer - it creates a quiet that helps me make well formed decisions.

Eija and I talked about it after one student basically asked why should I have faith? I thought about what I wrote above and I also thought about the 18th century folk wisdom of behavior held within a compass of measurement, not too much not too little. Being in touch with God and spiritual affirmation is what I am learning within this community rather than ‘of the world’ dynamics. Does this make sense? Eija and Fr. Anastasios talked about how if you keep in touch with God with faith and prayer (the virtues of God) you will be safe. I thought about that too. I thought about safety. I know we've talked about on the site the philosophy of being self responsible and stuff like that.