Today
The monastery seemed a very cold rejecting place today. I did my work and then was very grateful to have the task of driving a fellow monastic to a couple of places which took around 4 hours. I communicated with my family who I feel should know that I wasn’t feeling great here and that being in touch with joy was all in such contrast to the life here so it seemed. I was faced with my pattern again and again complaining about my life (seeking a perfect place has sunk in though as not real or germane.)That was until I asked myself ‘what do I want from people.’ After a youth of emotional servitude to my mom and having those kinds of muscles uncontrollably my place of validation, I gave voice to what I would like. That gave me also the honest and reasonable expectation for how that could come to me. The complaining monastic in the car with me helped me get to this conclusion too.
So my task of working through this rough patch is my charge. I will use today’s work to get me along the path.
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Finding joy in the life we navigate in the adult world with all its realities is something my therapist suggested and it really rang a bell with me. Anyways I hope you guys can make space for some joy in your life along the way too.
I’ve asked myself’what do I want from people?’ and that’s put me in a better place about things.More realistic about what to expect at any given moment in part knowing we can’t all meet up here eye to eye all the time. I feel like my emotional expectations are more flexible and empathetic.
I was trying to sleep and I found myself hung up on charting a path for myself in life. How to think on it. I found myself associating imagery and personality:
/psychology I’ve known to help me feel reassured about my path forward. I realized I was associating, something I’ve mentioned before but then I thought about the phrase’if you can see it you can be it.’ I’ve resisted this outlook but I realized associating doesn’t mean I have to perfectly be some mold of a person. I’ll make it my own. With a kind of leg up.
I'm sorry that you were struggling today sweetie
I'm glad that your therapist was able to help
I hope that chatting with family was uplifting as well
I hope that you have a nice, restful sleep Marky...xo
Thanks Janet! Xo
Hope your day improves, Hugs!
Thanks Becky! It certainly did!