To you

I am trying very hard to get you out of my home and out of my mind. I've sent/donated/discarded everything I can find of yours, and am not letting myself think about it. I deleted pics of you from my phone and my laptop, and moved all of our vacation pics to the "cloud" so I don't bump into them every day. I bought a new mattress, new bedding, new towels. Am changing the curtains, rugs, rearranging furniture--all to get rid of memories. 

You ruined us. We had a wonderful thing--we were happy, laughed, traveled, had adventures, made love, had dreams. It was the happiest time of my life. I never loved a man the way I loved you, and, at least until recently, I thought you felt the same. I was (your words) your partner, your lover, your best friend. I was looking forward to a future with you--looking forward to when I could retire and we could do more together. But you had to destroy that. You had to take all these things I held so dear, and made me so happy and kill them with your cheating and your lies. I think the lies were worse than the cheating. Especially since you don't lie well and I could see right through it.

You said "all we do lately is fight". Your lies were the main reason for that. Your continuing denial that your "affair" continued, even though it was obvious to anyone with half a brain it continued. And I could not get it out of my head. Everytime I saw you with your phone, or your laptop I felt you were with her. Everytime I wanted to make love and you didn't, I felt you were thinking of her. The times I asked you to write ME a love letter and you didn't. The times you didn't answer the phone. I spent the last 3 months of our time together watching you slowly strangle and kill the love we had. It was horrible. It was painful. I had to end it.

I still love you. I don't know why, but I do. I should hate you, but I don't. The best I can do is put you out of my life and my mind. You'll never be out of my heart.