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i keep saying my life is a mess, but what is it exactly that's so horrible?

house is a mess. sleep schedule, i think, could be better. no motivation on days off. no motivation or feelings of necessity to call doctors for appointments. 

(edit, later that day) it's as if my house is the source of my motivation-zapping. it's either the house, or my kid, or my situation. every time i'm in there, it feels the complete opposite of a sanctuary. as if everything is being drained, sucked out of me. my energy, my motivation, my will to even care about anything.