Tis the season
Struggling today - this moment.....lots of office talk about children, grandbabies, Christmas plans, big families, blah blah blah blah...
Guess I'm having a pity party - no other children, no sisters or brothers, no parents.....SIGH.....Trying to make the most of this holiday season with Hunter and Hubby - no energy left.....struggling....
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I read a quote, "If you can't find light, be the light"...I don't know, maybe it will help. With the health scare with my husband it was like the Universe was shaking me awake, that I have people to be grateful for. I will never have a grandchild either. When I start feeling myself going in that direction, I can sort of force my mind to gratitude for what I do have, but sometimes you just have to grieve and get it out. I am sorry it has been difficult for you.
Understanding and forever grateful that we can come here to share. I always feel as if my energy reserves are truly tapped this time of year no matter what is happening around me. It's what's happening inside of me and missing my Douglas as you miss your Jennifer is our reality.
My dear mom used to say to me often that she had used all her courage for the day and it was okay if it was 7 AM. Oh, how I get that now.
Understanding (((hugs))) of care and truly, Vicki, I don't see it as a pity party. I see it as allowing yourself to feel what you need to at any given moment.
XO Joanie
Hi Vicki, I understand completely. You and I have talked about how hard it is to work in a school and have mostly female coworkers and how the incessant talking about kids and the holidays and their #! $@&% plans hurt a mom who is missing her child. And not to minimize others pain but we know what it is like to have our only child pass away. Another layer indeed. There are no more plans in terms of our role as a mom. We have to grieve that role along with grieving our dear one. I thought my face would crack at work each holiday time as I would plaster on that fake smile as coworkers talked, planned and even complained about their kids non-stop. So many times one of my coworkers would say, "She's going back to college. Oh how will I live without her?" Lucky woman - her child is coming back!! I would smile when I wanted to scream, "Shut Up!" and throttle them. Intellectually I know that they are just living their lives but it sure hurts as this is not our normal now. It's ok to have a pity party now and then. You will re-emerge after a bit and feel strength again. My money's on you. :)
May God give you His peace and grace to get through the relentless conversations at work and may your holidays be gentle. May you glean some enjoyment as you spend time with Hunter and your hubby on Christmas. And more than anything may you feel your precious, beautiful Jennifer close by. Love, Linda ♡
I hear you. I have pity parties and sit on the pity pot. And then put on the big girl pants and get on with it. I need them - the pressure builds in me and just need to let it out.
This time of year really just sucks. There is just no joy without Jennifer and Lisa.
Wishing you love and peace, M