Tired of this crap

I'm tired of having no job, struggeling to take care of myself. I'm tired of feeling like shit and having disaster after disaster crumbel down on me and make my depression worse. Before my lows would  last a few months at a time. Now mine come and go on a daily basis literally exhausting me. I want to crawl away and disapear. I'm a failure in life. I never thought as a child I would grow up to be this pathetic load of shit. My only dream I ever had was to have a happy family, but I never leave my house to meet anyone. I'm going to die alone.  I've never had a support system as a child give myself motivation and a pat myself on the back. I always felt so alone.  I've been trying so hard for so long to get out and give myself a life, and I never get anywhere. My depression, my failures they keep pushing me down. I'm a sad waste of space that's just hogging air from the beautiful people. Happy people. I just want to die. I mean it. I don't care anymore because their is nothing to care about anymore. And no one cares about me. You have no idea how alone I literally am... I sit in my house and rot in my bed 24/7. THIS is my only social interaction besides the rejection phone calls from employers denying my resume. I don't have anyone to talk to and see face to face. I don't know how to talk and ha conversation with anyone anymore. I lost my voice. I need to see a face, to hear a voice.How can you help me if you can't even hear me cry? . I don't know what the point of this journal is. I'm sick of getting generic pitty. I'm sick of all of it.