Tired of myself

If someone asked me to explain depression, I would have to mention the inner voice constantly badgering you: "you're lazy, get up, why aren't you doing anything? why are you sleeping again? why can't you do this? why don't you want to do this? other people can do this? what's wrong with you?" and the list, unfortunately both goes on, but seems to loop indefinitely.  At least for me.  I wake up and for a minute, just a minute, before I begin to actualize any thoughts - so it may even be fair to say, I'm not completely conscious , I am not depressed.  And then my boyfriend asks, "How do you feel today?" innocently, and then there it is.  I think about where I've been, how awful I've been feeling and suddenly, that small moment of not knowing is gone.  It's not his fault.  Whether he'd asked or not, once I gained full consciousness, I would have asked myself the same question and unfortunately probably been faced with the same answers: listless, anxious, tired, lacking. And lately, it's just been the same. I am literally getting sick of myself. I was dragged on a walk (yes, I know fresh air is good for me and it's probably best to assume there is a future in which I will need the use of my legs, which recently have only helped me to and from the bathroom) and there were bad drivers, and lights that took too long to change, and pedestrians hogging the road....all fodder for some ranting from me...and it felt GOOD to be mad - not mad in general, but to be mad at SOMEONE ELSE.  I realized that inner voice has been aimed solely at me since I got really down and boy does it feel nice to project it somewhere else, even if for just a minute.  I'm not sure one would call that progress (and don't worry neither small children nor animals were hurt during my nonsensical rants) but it made me feel better for a few moments today.