Tired of living.

I am trying so hard to get through this.. Yesterday I actually felt happy with my appearance.  I now feel... Disgusted.. Someone I care about gave me a lot of compliments.. Told me he thinks I'm beautiful and sexy and all this other stuff.. And my mind instantly goes to the fact that he hardly speaks to me.. How he talks to this other girl so much more than me.. How much prettier she is.. The way she is so confident. . The way she randomly send all these nudes and crap.. Even to me... and flirts with EVERYONE.. Then I start remembering how fat I am.. And that my skin is far from prefect. That it's hard for me to open up to him sexually... I start listing the reasons he'd choose her over me.. And now... I want to just disappear... There is so ooo much going on inside my head... I am tired,  in every possible way.. I am depressed past the point of self harm or suicide.. I don't even have the energy for that anymore... I just want to lay in bed and pretend I don't exist... It's not all because of one guy.. But, that Juss adds onto it and makes it harder.. I feel like I'm this horrible,  fuck ed up, worthless, piece of crap... And I hate it! I hate that I've gotten back to this point.. I hate that I am depressed all of the time... I hate that I can't look at myself in the mirror without feeling like no one could ever love me or find me attractive.... I hate wanting to die.. I hate that my mom makes me feel the way she does.. I hate that I can't just let all these emotions and thoughts in my head go.. I feel weak... It's to the point that it is affecting me physically.. I am constantly feeling sick and dizzy and weak.. Sometimes to the point of not being able to leave the couch or bed.. I start looking to people for some kind of positive attention.. to feel like someone cares.. Whether it's sexual or not. I feel disgusting and worthless and stupid... I don't want to go on like this.. I've tried reaching out to my family and friends for help.. No one seems to care.. I'm so lost... I don't know what to do anymore.... v.v I just don't want to even be alive anymore...