Tired..Empty and Lost

Friday night..two weeks since I last saw you ..I'm living with the "if onlys " tonite..I just went out on the deck to make sure your lights were on...Whenever I would go out on the deck at night and my 2 babies would come out with me I'd always tell them to stay in the light..the deck goes around the back of the house and the light from the floodlight didnt shine back there and I always had to have them in my sight. My Giz would always stay where it was lit..Now everyday I run around the backyard moving his solar lights into the sun so my baby will have light.and I cant say how many times I go out at night now and tell him mommy loves you Gizzie MoMo stay in the light I love that little guy so very much and my heart has been broken beyond repair I miss him beyond belief but I know everyone here understands...they're the only ones that do and I am so grateful for the support..Sleep well my baby and Gizzie stay in the light my babyboy I love you so very much  I wish I would dream of you  all I see is the horror of that morning ..maybe someday