Time with friends = Emotional roller coaster
So last night I went out to sushi with a friend of mine and that was great. The hubby has a gout attack and couldn't really move that well so he was laid up on the couch. He wanted me to go so that I don't alienate any friends and all. Later that night I went out for a couple drinks with my sister and a few girls from high school that I hadn't really seen for about a year. Great girls but as you all know life happens lol.
I would like to note that my sister is one only one who knows what happens later this month.
There is a moment after a couple hours where we are all reminiscing about the old days. I swear that the world suspended in time and it was like a photo was taken of my 3 friends laughing. An overwhelming wave sadness starts to come over me and I have to hide the unshed tears that are threatening to spill out. My thought was "They have no idea what I am feeling. They couldn't possibly relate. They look so carefree and happy with the way their lives are going. I mine will forever change and I am sitting here pretending that I am someone different."
One of the girls is having a difficult time with her daughter and her ex and reveals something that is extremely tough to talk about. It just goes to show that you can't assume that anyone has an easy life or anything like that. After saying that I still can't help but feel like I am detached or hard to relate to others. Bad sounding I know but well there you have it.
Today I felt like crap and I don't think that I can drink beer anymore. I feel quite queasy and rather emotional on top of things today. All I want to do is cry my eyes out. I'm still holding them in because I can't fall apart yet. I just can't yet. I have to be strong, the rock because everyone around me needs me to be. I feel like if I let go the world around me will too.
I don't know why everything is so conflicting and annoying. Wish I could just be emotionally balanced right now until I can allow myself to break. Is there something wrong with me? Honestly, I feel like I am giong crazy right now. Ah well guess I'll live lol. I mean they say "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
That quote works in theory but damn sometimes it feels like I die just about everyday and those are good days by the way. I haven't even had a really bad day. Grrr to the cruel joke we are living in.
I would like to note that my sister is one only one who knows what happens later this month.
There is a moment after a couple hours where we are all reminiscing about the old days. I swear that the world suspended in time and it was like a photo was taken of my 3 friends laughing. An overwhelming wave sadness starts to come over me and I have to hide the unshed tears that are threatening to spill out. My thought was "They have no idea what I am feeling. They couldn't possibly relate. They look so carefree and happy with the way their lives are going. I mine will forever change and I am sitting here pretending that I am someone different."
One of the girls is having a difficult time with her daughter and her ex and reveals something that is extremely tough to talk about. It just goes to show that you can't assume that anyone has an easy life or anything like that. After saying that I still can't help but feel like I am detached or hard to relate to others. Bad sounding I know but well there you have it.
Today I felt like crap and I don't think that I can drink beer anymore. I feel quite queasy and rather emotional on top of things today. All I want to do is cry my eyes out. I'm still holding them in because I can't fall apart yet. I just can't yet. I have to be strong, the rock because everyone around me needs me to be. I feel like if I let go the world around me will too.
I don't know why everything is so conflicting and annoying. Wish I could just be emotionally balanced right now until I can allow myself to break. Is there something wrong with me? Honestly, I feel like I am giong crazy right now. Ah well guess I'll live lol. I mean they say "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
That quote works in theory but damn sometimes it feels like I die just about everyday and those are good days by the way. I haven't even had a really bad day. Grrr to the cruel joke we are living in.
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