Time to pretend to be normal
Today, my grief decided to surface right here at work in my office. As a high school orchestra teacher, I have an office inside of a large rehearsal room. At lunch I started to sit here and cry and feel emotions that I hadn't allowed to come out when the bell rings and the students start to walk in. My students know my husband passed away because I was gone for three weeks. They even made me a little gift basket. It was truly sweet. I have to go turn on the metronome to the A tuning pitch and act like everything is normal. I have em pretty convinced that I'm fine. I even almost believe it sometimes....When you work with students you have to be "on." Today I am off and I want to stay that way. But the A pitch is going and I have to now put my grief away and pretend like everything is fine, pretend to be normal and start class warm up scales......
There is this song called "The Merry Widow Waltz"....um why?! There is nothing merry about it
There is this song called "The Merry Widow Waltz"....um why?! There is nothing merry about it
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3 weeks isn\'t long at all, i know the feeling of keeping up appearances but to have to do it running a class is amazing. I was upfront with my work and said i won\'t be operating machinery because my mind isn\'t there. If you need more time you should take it, no good breaking down a month down the track.
Once again i\'m really impressed you can do what you do. Pete xx
Thanks Pete. What you\'re saying is right, about taking the time I need. And as much as I wish I could take the time to get things figured out with my house and everything else-I am out of leave time. I wouldn\'t lose my job, but I would get docked pay every single day that I\'m out, which I can\'t afford.