Time to grow up.

 Well, I got to go out with Bob tonight and talk. He had some good words of wisdom. Made me feel kinda bad because of my worrying about the support thing. Made me realize that it's time to grow up too, and take responsibility for my kids. It's still scary, but I think it will be alright. I told him all about how I felt, and how I still feel angry about having them taken out of my life. It may not have been right or fair, but I can still contribute to their well being. I told Bob about most of the horror stories I've heard from other people. He can be so on the ball about things, and very wise. He talked about how a lot of guys get angry because their exes end up with another guy and they feel like they give their money to support them too. I'm a little fortunate that way. I'm almost certain that never happened, and besides I need to remember that she died and they still need taken care of. Even if it means my brother in law. Bob also talked about how much money I've spent messing myself up over the years, and theirs no denying that. I feel like such a jerk, because I really realize that I have been very selfish. I was thinking that now that I'm interested in someone that this would only hinder things. I really don't think it could. They need to let me live too, or I just can't pay the money. I have to remember too that most of the people I heard talk bad about things were usually drinkers, or people that used. I feel even embaressed writting this. This whole experiance has really brought up a lot of things. seems so confusing, and endless at times. almost like a bad dream that just doesn't go away, but then should it. I supose God has a reason in it, and something to teach me, but damned life can seem hard at times, especially when I complicate it with all the unecessary worry. Even finding out that Jimmy was a girl really kinda through me this week. Might seem silly, but it did. I still love her just as much, but I find it hard looking at her as a girl. I thought I had found the perfect match with Jimmy and Jet. Oh well, life goes on. Shit, I think this seems bad. Look at the people in Haiti. Thank you Lord for the lesson, and I will do my best to make things right. Thank you too for people like Bob. I really needed to hear his words.