Time again
Holy, I can't believe it's been so long since I've written anything in my journal. My baby girl Gabby is now 21 months old and doing good. It's hard to say "toddler" now instead of baby.wow.
I hate how people automatically think that I'm over the death of my babies because it's been 3 years. I hear about it alot, like I should be over it. Screw off people. Now Gabby has a lump on her arm that might be cancer, and I just can't cope lately. After trying for years to get her here, she might have CANCER!!! Are you kidding me?!?!?! This is my one living child and her life is being threatened. My family doctor is really good and I know he'll take care of her, but as a mother I still worry like nuts that something terrible could happen... and it could! But chances are it's just benign. That's what I'm thinking...think positive! Now I have to go back to the BC Children's Hospital (where I lost my son) and grieve my children all over again. How am I going to walk in there again? How can I even look at that building again??? God has to give me amazing strength to get through these times because I just feel terrible. My husband might not even be able to come!!! He's up for a major job promotion that would greatly benefit his career and our family. He has an interview sometime this week or next week and he CAN'T miss it. I would understand if I had to drive the 5 hours myself and take care of our miracle baby, but I just hope my man can come be that rock for us. Gabby is going to need surgery for sure to remove her lump and that's going to take alot out of her AND myself. I'm going to sleep in a chair next to her crib while she's there. I don't want to sleep in a hotel while my little one is in pain without her mommy. I know that Rylan and Madison will be watching over her and won't leave her side. They're her family and love her just like we do. I'm going to teach her about them as soon as she can speak. They ARE her brother and sister and that will never change.
I hate how people automatically think that I'm over the death of my babies because it's been 3 years. I hear about it alot, like I should be over it. Screw off people. Now Gabby has a lump on her arm that might be cancer, and I just can't cope lately. After trying for years to get her here, she might have CANCER!!! Are you kidding me?!?!?! This is my one living child and her life is being threatened. My family doctor is really good and I know he'll take care of her, but as a mother I still worry like nuts that something terrible could happen... and it could! But chances are it's just benign. That's what I'm thinking...think positive! Now I have to go back to the BC Children's Hospital (where I lost my son) and grieve my children all over again. How am I going to walk in there again? How can I even look at that building again??? God has to give me amazing strength to get through these times because I just feel terrible. My husband might not even be able to come!!! He's up for a major job promotion that would greatly benefit his career and our family. He has an interview sometime this week or next week and he CAN'T miss it. I would understand if I had to drive the 5 hours myself and take care of our miracle baby, but I just hope my man can come be that rock for us. Gabby is going to need surgery for sure to remove her lump and that's going to take alot out of her AND myself. I'm going to sleep in a chair next to her crib while she's there. I don't want to sleep in a hotel while my little one is in pain without her mommy. I know that Rylan and Madison will be watching over her and won't leave her side. They're her family and love her just like we do. I'm going to teach her about them as soon as she can speak. They ARE her brother and sister and that will never change.
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