Till healing comes
My heart is closing deep inside, from all the pain I feel,while others are so full of joy, my hurt feels very real, I want to find a bit of light, but part of me feels dead, and though I see the joy around, my soul is sad instead. It's hard to enter deeply in,when your no longer here. It's like the lights have all gone out,and won't be lighting up this year. And so this season I must be,just how it is I am. So that soon my heart can heal,I ll do the best I can. The only thing that I can do, is to stay present in the now,to feel my grieving pain,and trust I'll heal some how. As this season gently ,and as my heart is torn in two. I'll open just a little bit,as I am deeply missing you. I'll trust the gift of life that's here,and trust that I am ok, and be with how it is right now... till healing comes my way. My daughter died Jan. 9th ,2005, and now starts the time of reliving every day that I remember every thing that happened and the Holidays we spent together and so the pain begins. The fall is hard for me ,I seen today the first orange leaf on my tree, and the tears are falling.
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Precious, precious Squarely,
It may not feel like it at the moment but the fact that you could write this beautiful poem, expressing your heart, shows me that there is indeed healing taking place within you. My prayers are surrounding you my friend as your tears fall. Let them, as they are God\'s built in toxin removers. Stored up pain can store up toxins in our bodies that need to get out before they cause us physical problems - and we have enough of those already :)
Your poem reminded me of a poem I was given just recently that really helped me, I hope it helps you too:
Stone by Charles Simic
Go inside a stone
that would be my way.
Let somebody else become a dove
or gnash with a tiger\'s tooth.
I am happy to be a stone.
From the outside the stone is a riddle:
No one knows how to answer it.
Yet within, it must be cool and quiet
Even though a cow steps on it full weight,
even though a child throws it in a river;
The stone sinks, slow, unperturbed
To the river bottom
Where the fishes come to knock on it
And listen.
I have seen sparks fly out
When two stones are rubbed,
So perhaps it is not dark inside after all;
Perhaps there is a moon shining
From somewhere, as though behind a hill -
Just enough light to make out
The strange writings, the star-charts
On the inner walls.
There is light within you my friend, and there is life. Know you are held in peace and grace and love
my dear dear girl what can i say i feel so deeply for you its my belief that you will be together again one day i really do believe this may god be with you and give you comfort and strength bless you
Your poem is beautiful.. thank you so much for sharing.
I understand your reliving these days, my reliving days start in May and go through Jenn\'s angel date in Sept. I remember all the days, all the times, the dr. visits, hospital stays, good days, bad days.. everything. But particularly, I rmember my heart ache that has continued until today. somewhat better but still the hole.
{{{Hugs}}} MaryLou
I so understand,, no lights here, I understand....
(((hugs))) Nora
Thank you all, I do believe there is a reason for every thing, and even stones can produce light ,when rubbed together,its just the pain we have to dim. But the hole will remain.
This is a beautiful poem. I\'m so glad you shared it with us. I\'m sorry for your pain dear one...my Kala left earth on Jan 2, 2007...so I get it. I\'m still running away each Christmas/anniversary, but I\'m trying hard to view it as a vacation time and not a running away and hiding time. Sending you lots of love and tight hugs, Teri.
Your light is very beautiful. We seem to go through the seasons in our souls. Fall is a time to letting go. I recall a childrens story of Freddy the leaf. He just wanted to hang on and never let go. All the other leaves dropped and told him it was OK. He was the last leaf left on the tree, a gently breeze came and said softly, I\'ll carry you carefully, its time to let go now and she gave him a soft push, he closed his eyes and could feel himself falling. It was so freeing for him, different than he expected, Yes, he said, as the other leaves welcomed him,\" Yes, I am going to be just fine.\" I have the Sycamore leaves starting to fall in my yard, they do not turn pretty colors, they just fall, and wait to be racked...but I think of how brave each one is. It does take courage to seek acceptance. Blessings Galore, Carol
That was a beautiful story,I know if I let go,it would be freeing ,but its so so hard,I am the leaf ,that can not let go,there is no one here to carry me softly.. One day I know I have to let go. Thank you for your blessing\'s and many in return to you and hugs to. from Squarley (Shirley)