Till healing comes

My heart is closing deep inside, from all the pain I feel,while others are so full of joy, my hurt feels very real, I want to find a bit of light, but part of me feels dead, and though I see the joy around, my soul is sad instead. It's hard to enter deeply in,when your no longer here.  It's like the lights have all gone out,and won't be lighting up this year. And so this season I must be,just how it is I am.   So that soon my heart can heal,I ll do the best I can.    The only thing that I can do, is to stay present in the now,to feel my grieving pain,and trust I'll heal some how. As this season gently ,and as my heart is torn in two. I'll open just a little bit,as I am deeply missing you. I'll trust the gift of life that's here,and trust that I am ok,  and be with how it is right now... till healing comes my way.              My daughter died Jan. 9th ,2005, and now starts the time of reliving every day that I remember every thing that happened and the Holidays we spent together and so the pain begins. The fall is hard for me ,I seen today the first orange leaf on my tree, and the tears are falling.