thursday, march 21st

yesterday vs. today.

got on the phone paying bills, negotiating finance rates and other madness.  this led to frustration, anxiety and tears.

as i cancelled my dish satelite account i cried at the end of that phone call too.  oh dear......then i remembered, everytime i am on a round of antibiotics i get much more emotional/have a more difficult time maintaining a center of calm.  a calm core is pretty important i think, helps me manage my high blood pressure in particular and other illnesses plus life in general.

after a couple of hours of phone mess i was exhausted.  sad.......wondering if this was a depressed day or if i am depressed.....and what to do about that.

i try to check my emotional safety just like i protect myself at home at night, locking all the doors, turning on the alarm system......we need checks and balances to move through the stream of daily existence.

i cancelled my time at Stella's home........she was supposed to pick me up at 3, but i felt so deflated/flattened and wiped out, not to mention the physical problems after sitting on an upright chair for all that time.  it created pain in my hips, lower back, neck in a very hard to rise and walk/move kind of way.  as i went to lie back down i felt these rolling muscular knots yank hard on the pain buttons so that if there was any doubt about there being a pain issue, this would definitely alert me.  i howled like a wounded bunny rabbit.

.....note to self, can a bunny howl?  hmmmm.  another thing to note, i did not sleep well at all tuesday night.  i woke up at 2 am holdign my sleep apparatus in my hand.  sleepy and confused it took me awhile to realize my nasal passages were stuffy, the difficulty breathing prompted me to save myself i guess......?  used a nasal spray ....ugh, hate to use them, but sometimes it is necessary.  but after that i couldn't sleep worth a dang.......up and down all night.  so that also created the emotional storm.

boring to read about but i think it's important to realize so the next time i'll get it more easily.......the what of what's wrong with me today. 

moving on, so far i showered, emptied the trash, changed the cat litter, did the dishes, watered the indoor plant babies.....which are looking good by the way !  last week i transplanted some plants and did a general overall tidying of each individual plant adding fresh dirt or a bigger pot as needed.  it takes a bit of recovery once i move them, but they are looking nice and healthy today!

i ordered a pair of white pants online this week.....getting ready for spring!  the pants were 50% off, which is GREAT, but the shipping was higher than fair.  but to go to stores and try stuff on is hard as well........plus gas and wear and tear on me the shopper.....i hope i ordered the right size.  i can't figure out why most pants have such crazy short in seams, i'm only 5'6" now, but the legs are still long...........a lot of online inseams are 28" to 30"......that is high rise unhappiness for me......i ordered a 33" pant length which is a big yay!  my daughter needs a super long inseam......think it's 36".  she is all legs for days!

she starts her new job on monday.......very excited for her.  whooooohooooo!  her new job at my last time long time employer, an energy engineering association in atlanta.  sooooooooooo happy, been trying to figure out a little something to send her for her new office.......her birthday is this month on the 30th.......another reason to celebrate my daughterface!

hope my son is hanging in there......everytime we talk the last few months he has been so stressed, i think i shared that his company is making some big changes, they have added some new divisions of service to their customers and all of it requires a lot of prep/details to the inth degree! 

there is a big robin redbreast staring at me, i'm staring right back!  i plan to spend the afternoon making the next pillow cover for one of my bed pillows.  wish me luck!  tv, something cold to drink and sewing.......pretty good!  no complaints!

hang in there........i'm here if you need me, wow, the robin may not be a robin, he is so big......huh, is there a robin look alike in the supersize division of some other bird?  trippy.....it's a clear sunny day and a lot of songbirds are celebrating!  the easter tree in front is covered in tiny purple buds.........ahhhhhhh, so pretty!

spring is coming..................................until next time.