Thursday, July 26, 2012
My Dearest Darling Darrell,
I'm back into the depths today. Spoke/corresponded with three friends in the last several days, all of whom gave me subtle/not-so-subtle comments that reminded me of all the slain bodies I have left in my past path in life. Of course, I never intended to hurt anyone. I just seem to have a knack for using the wrong words at the wrong time. You well know that , Darling, and although you tried so hard in your dear way to teach me otherwise, I wasn't listening. Now I'm listening but I don't know how to change myself. So, I'm asking - begging - you, Honey, to help me filter my words.
The three people who have held up that dreaded reality mirror, although they mean well and are kind in the manner in which they do it and don't even KNOW that they've done it, have made me feel that I've been kidding myself about the thickness of my skin: it really is so very thin that the softest clothing chafes and makes me bleed.
I also feel like a sham. How DID I get so far in life without understanding fully the depths of others' pain. All my offers of empathy seem so hollow now. In my defense, I guess I can blame it on a charmed life. I guess I unwittingly surrounded myself with servers of lip service or perhaps other people, who like me thought they were doing something good but failed miserably at it. And, those who were hurting never let on.
My goal then is to shut up and listen - listen to the wise words of those who really know how to express sorrow, joy, empathy, laughter - without offense or eliciting criticism. Remembering your aplomb at doing the same and those who currently are a part of my life and whose words truly touch, God willing, I will bring a new ability to my "new" self.
I love you, Honey, and miss everything about you,
Terry
I'm back into the depths today. Spoke/corresponded with three friends in the last several days, all of whom gave me subtle/not-so-subtle comments that reminded me of all the slain bodies I have left in my past path in life. Of course, I never intended to hurt anyone. I just seem to have a knack for using the wrong words at the wrong time. You well know that , Darling, and although you tried so hard in your dear way to teach me otherwise, I wasn't listening. Now I'm listening but I don't know how to change myself. So, I'm asking - begging - you, Honey, to help me filter my words.
The three people who have held up that dreaded reality mirror, although they mean well and are kind in the manner in which they do it and don't even KNOW that they've done it, have made me feel that I've been kidding myself about the thickness of my skin: it really is so very thin that the softest clothing chafes and makes me bleed.
I also feel like a sham. How DID I get so far in life without understanding fully the depths of others' pain. All my offers of empathy seem so hollow now. In my defense, I guess I can blame it on a charmed life. I guess I unwittingly surrounded myself with servers of lip service or perhaps other people, who like me thought they were doing something good but failed miserably at it. And, those who were hurting never let on.
My goal then is to shut up and listen - listen to the wise words of those who really know how to express sorrow, joy, empathy, laughter - without offense or eliciting criticism. Remembering your aplomb at doing the same and those who currently are a part of my life and whose words truly touch, God willing, I will bring a new ability to my "new" self.
I love you, Honey, and miss everything about you,
Terry
Replies
gotta disagree with you Terry. Since I met you, and also MET you over the phone, you have been nothing but a joy to speak with. Full of love of life, humor, and everything around you. THAT is not a bad thing my friend. That is a GOOD thing.
I have a feeling that if he were here...he would say this one thing to you...Don\'t change a HAIR for him...not if you care for him...get my drift my friend?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEZQPGDm7O8
you know i worry all the time if what I say or do has come out the wrong way...that they tell me is COMPASSION.. don\'t ever lose that.
THAT SONG IS ONE that Greg used to send to me. don\'t change hon. you are fine just the way you are.....
HUGS and much love