Thurs 1 / 31 / 19

Today's been relatively " okay " so far... knock on wood ! 

Compared to a handful of days that have happened lately, today's been " terrific " ! 

I hope and pray that it continues to be good for the rest of today, and into this evening as well.

Right now he's asleep... or at least that's what he claimed he was going to the bedroom to do. 

What he actually does in the bedroom with the door closed, is anyone's guess, I think.

I can't help it. After all, how on earth am I supposed to completely trust him when he's lied to me, betrayed me, abandoned me, been cruel to me, and done everything he possibly could to physical hurt me - while verbally abusing me at the same time ?!!! 

HOW do you trust someone like that ?

HOW can he even expect me to trust him at this point ? 

I don't understand it. 

Just like I don't get how he can physically hurt me, and verbally assault me with the cruelest possible words he can come up with, and still think that I'm going to smile at him, and laugh at his jokes ?!?!?!? 

HOW am I supposed to feel affection towards him AT ALL when he shows so little basic respect, and caring towards me, most of the time ?! 

HOW ?!

For him to think I should.... makes me consider the possibility that he truly does have some MAJOR screws loose - or " marbles missing " - whichever saying applies better to him. 

After he HURT my head this past TUES. night, I told him that I could have had a concussion from that, but he said NOTHING about it ! NOTHING ! ... He didn't offer the least tiny little bit of concern that I may have a serious head wound now from him throwing that thing at my head... HARD ... that Tuesday 1/29/19 night !

I hope that he actually " sleeps " while he's in the bedroom this afternoon, because I can tell that he hasn't been sleeping much. 

Whenever he's sleep deprived, he's even MORE likely to have Raging FITS at the drop of a hat !.... as quick as flipping on a light switch ! That is something I really DON'T need right now !... Especially since my head is STILL healing from the HUGE bump left on the right side when he threw an object HARD at my head on Tues. night ! 

At least... now where the bump on my head used to be the size of a " goose egg ", it's now more like the size of a " chicken egg " !