Three Holiday Hurdles Down
Yeah, I know, I've been a complete slacker about posting on here.
Partly it's due to work, November and December are our busiest months of the year and we were hitting 13 hours some nights.
Partly it's due to ugh, the time of the year and my tendency to withdraw and cocoon myself away from everything and everyone.
Thanksgiving is done. Not that big of a deal, I guess, I haven't made that holiday a big deal in years so correspondingly it didn't seem like a big deal now either.
Then came his birthday on November 29th, which he took off and took Bitchface (yes, that's my current 'endearment' for the OW) to the concert we always went to every year for his birthday. That was a bit harder. I took the artist (Vienna Teng) off my playlist for at least a month beforehand and still haven't put her back on yet. I did entertain the brief idea of hitting up the steak place we always went on my own but... I decided against it because I really didn't want to chance crying in public. Plus it would probably have made the steak taste funny. ;p
And now Christmas is over too. Ugh. I had to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which sort of helped, I guess. Keeping busy and all that. But it also meant that I saw him (and Bitchface) both days too. I spent some time on the phone with family and friends and that was basically all there was to Christmas. Oh, and I curled up with the cat and my new Kindle which was my present to myself.
I made cookies this year and gave them out. First year I've really done it since my mom killed herself 5 1/2 years-ish ago. A big part of the reason I did it this year was because a friend found out his ex was in the hospital, seriously sick, and ended up having his kids over for Christmas (she has full custody) at the last minute. So I made cookies so that the kids would have at least something normal and ordinary about their Christmas. They needed that more than I needed to be mopey.
All in all, Christmas was just...empty. Hollow. Just time to be gotten through, endured. I never used to mind being so far away from family and friends when I moved here because I still felt like I was *home*. Because home was where he was. And now he's not there. And now there is no home. Hence the feeling of emptiness.
Partly it's due to work, November and December are our busiest months of the year and we were hitting 13 hours some nights.
Partly it's due to ugh, the time of the year and my tendency to withdraw and cocoon myself away from everything and everyone.
Thanksgiving is done. Not that big of a deal, I guess, I haven't made that holiday a big deal in years so correspondingly it didn't seem like a big deal now either.
Then came his birthday on November 29th, which he took off and took Bitchface (yes, that's my current 'endearment' for the OW) to the concert we always went to every year for his birthday. That was a bit harder. I took the artist (Vienna Teng) off my playlist for at least a month beforehand and still haven't put her back on yet. I did entertain the brief idea of hitting up the steak place we always went on my own but... I decided against it because I really didn't want to chance crying in public. Plus it would probably have made the steak taste funny. ;p
And now Christmas is over too. Ugh. I had to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which sort of helped, I guess. Keeping busy and all that. But it also meant that I saw him (and Bitchface) both days too. I spent some time on the phone with family and friends and that was basically all there was to Christmas. Oh, and I curled up with the cat and my new Kindle which was my present to myself.
I made cookies this year and gave them out. First year I've really done it since my mom killed herself 5 1/2 years-ish ago. A big part of the reason I did it this year was because a friend found out his ex was in the hospital, seriously sick, and ended up having his kids over for Christmas (she has full custody) at the last minute. So I made cookies so that the kids would have at least something normal and ordinary about their Christmas. They needed that more than I needed to be mopey.
All in all, Christmas was just...empty. Hollow. Just time to be gotten through, endured. I never used to mind being so far away from family and friends when I moved here because I still felt like I was *home*. Because home was where he was. And now he's not there. And now there is no home. Hence the feeling of emptiness.
Replies
Dawn......I know the feelings of emptiness that you are feeling. The hope and happiness that was once there is now filled with nothing.
You have been such a comfort to me during my time of great struggle. I pray for you in my daily prayers to God. I hope that we can talk with each other once again and work together through all of this. I miss talking with you.
Dawn, you are a good person with so much to offer others. May you find peace, hope, and joy in the coming days, weeks, and months.
Your friend,
Rick