Thoughts on the book I was reading
So, I finished the book I was reading...the one where the sister has infertility issues throughout it. Of course she ends up pregnant and having a baby. How could it possibly end any other way?
I mean, I know I sound bitter...I guess I am in a way...I know I have no right to be as in, I already have had a successful cycle with IVF and ended up with a gorgeous baby..but still. In the book the character reflects on how she has moved over to the fertiles side (as in infertiles vs fertiles) and how she can't really relate to the infertiles any more...trust me, it totally isn't like that in real life. If this next cycle works, and I end up with the perfect quota of 2.0 children as a result of IVF, then I will be stoked...but I still won't be cured. I know I have harped on about this before but it still gets to me. I will always have a sharp pain when someone announces that they are pregnant and "weren't even trying"...I will always feel like I am less of a woman for not being able to conceive naturally. Hell, throw in the fact that I had a caesar and wasn't able to breastfeed and you have my whole "I am not really a female" complex...trust me I have actually thought that about myself..not even joking!
Anyway, back to the book...up until the "happy ending" the author had captured the world of IF so accurately. I really related to the character and feel like some transference was happening whilst I read the book. I stomped around in a bad mood and felt like I was inflating by the second (aka Harry's Aunt in the second/maybe third Harry Potter book). I felt myself turning inot a bitter and sad old woman.
Ok, so now that I have finished it, what have I learnt...I realised just how awful this whole infertlity process is...kind of from an objective viewpoint if that makes sense. Yes I know if feel awful when we are in it but we just kind of get on with it all right? I mean, what other choice do we have?
I have also learnt that being bitter and sad is pointless. I mean, come on, just one month ago, I was facing the prospect of a 65% mortality rate for the cancer I had been diagnosed with. (PS got my PETCT scan results back and I am all clear!!) I can put my low mood down to hormones, sleep deprivation ( I will never moan about that on here), maybe my thyroid is a little low too and being a little bit sick with a minor cold. I haven't been to the gym in two days, will hopefully get here tomorrow..depending on how I feel in the morning..I gave myself today and yesterday off as I felt like I had been swallowing razor blades and having needles poked in my ears! Tonight though, the throat is a little achey and I am a little snotty and just kinda tired. So I think with some sleep I should be right for the morning session.
So, in summary, no I am not down, just tied and a bit sick : ) Still remaining positive and upbeat about this cycle, and just a little cynical of the book I was reading...by the way, if anyone want to read it, its called "What Alice Forgot" by Liane Moriarty a great Australian Author who also wrote one of my favourite books.."Big Little Lies" which is being made in to an HBO Series with Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon..should be fantastic!
I digress..all in all, I am ok!
I mean, I know I sound bitter...I guess I am in a way...I know I have no right to be as in, I already have had a successful cycle with IVF and ended up with a gorgeous baby..but still. In the book the character reflects on how she has moved over to the fertiles side (as in infertiles vs fertiles) and how she can't really relate to the infertiles any more...trust me, it totally isn't like that in real life. If this next cycle works, and I end up with the perfect quota of 2.0 children as a result of IVF, then I will be stoked...but I still won't be cured. I know I have harped on about this before but it still gets to me. I will always have a sharp pain when someone announces that they are pregnant and "weren't even trying"...I will always feel like I am less of a woman for not being able to conceive naturally. Hell, throw in the fact that I had a caesar and wasn't able to breastfeed and you have my whole "I am not really a female" complex...trust me I have actually thought that about myself..not even joking!
Anyway, back to the book...up until the "happy ending" the author had captured the world of IF so accurately. I really related to the character and feel like some transference was happening whilst I read the book. I stomped around in a bad mood and felt like I was inflating by the second (aka Harry's Aunt in the second/maybe third Harry Potter book). I felt myself turning inot a bitter and sad old woman.
Ok, so now that I have finished it, what have I learnt...I realised just how awful this whole infertlity process is...kind of from an objective viewpoint if that makes sense. Yes I know if feel awful when we are in it but we just kind of get on with it all right? I mean, what other choice do we have?
I have also learnt that being bitter and sad is pointless. I mean, come on, just one month ago, I was facing the prospect of a 65% mortality rate for the cancer I had been diagnosed with. (PS got my PETCT scan results back and I am all clear!!) I can put my low mood down to hormones, sleep deprivation ( I will never moan about that on here), maybe my thyroid is a little low too and being a little bit sick with a minor cold. I haven't been to the gym in two days, will hopefully get here tomorrow..depending on how I feel in the morning..I gave myself today and yesterday off as I felt like I had been swallowing razor blades and having needles poked in my ears! Tonight though, the throat is a little achey and I am a little snotty and just kinda tired. So I think with some sleep I should be right for the morning session.
So, in summary, no I am not down, just tied and a bit sick : ) Still remaining positive and upbeat about this cycle, and just a little cynical of the book I was reading...by the way, if anyone want to read it, its called "What Alice Forgot" by Liane Moriarty a great Australian Author who also wrote one of my favourite books.."Big Little Lies" which is being made in to an HBO Series with Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon..should be fantastic!
I digress..all in all, I am ok!
Replies
Holy shit I def think I read the back of the book to see what it was about and immediately thought fuck that! I have enough IF in my own life! Lol I LOVED the book big little lies!! I just read it on my FL trip in April and couldn\'t put it down. At first, to be honest, I didn\'t know if I could read it because of the kindergarten moms and the kids and the complaining. I tried to look at it as a way to see what it\'s like to live the kindergarten mom life and fell in love with the book. The book makes me want to be a mom even more. Although maybe minus the mom drama!! I had no idea they were turning it into a series. So exciting! I have the husbands secret by Moriarty that I plan on reading after my current book. Anyway, I\'m glad to hear your still positive. I\'m sure even if you go to the gym and walk on the treadmillit would make you feel better than not going. You\'re always so down when you can\'t get yourself there. Happy to hear you\'re doing ok though.
P.s I\'m now obsessed with seeing what time you wrote your posts. Haha oh, the little things in life!