thoughts about living alone
I came home from a movie, after having been engaged for most of the day. First breakfast with my Dad, then yoga class, and then a movie. It's an adjustment coming home into the silence and to adjust and start to fill it up in ways - different ways- the radio turned on, open the laptop and check on messages,eating a meal, texting friends and family, tv on...but is it time I fill my home up with someone besides me? I can feel so overwhelmed with the loneliness I feel, weak in the face of it's awesomeness.
Others seem to be able to organize their lives with relationships and things they like. I start
to think about what I would like and it seems too much to overcome in order to get it... I also know
that in order to feel I have a right for such things, at times it also feels like I have to develop a whole world in order grasp and develop it. Right now I find peace and strength writing about it..
And the rest of my day I will fill up just doing little things I suppose...finally adjusted to the conversation with myself, alone versus my life amongst the tribes of my life.
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Careful about comparing your insides to other people's outsides. A circus performer makes trapeze swinging look easy, but it takes some digging to discover how many hours/years of practice it took to accomplish that appearance of ease. Realistic expectations help.
Small moves, Mark. It's all little stuff if you break it down far enough.
Thanks Chris and arfie!!
You had a busy day..... Good for you getting out and about...…. Maybe it's not best that you live alone.... You lived in a group home before this right Mark??
I would try and think back how you felt when you were living there
I've tried to get you interested in having a pet or you could even be a foster parent for an animal shelter for a while and see what you thought about caring for an animal.... I find animals to be great companions and the good thing about fostering is that you can do it when you're up for it and take a break when you want to
If my landlord lets me that's probably when I'll do next..... Big hug sweetie while you work it out....xo
thanks Jan. I know you've suggested that many times to me. Sorry to not have followed through. I really feel so 'not so strong' and my moods changed a lot - I am kind of selfish or maybe unsure if I could take care for the animal well.
I am really grateful for the suggestion. I kind of feel like it would be having a child and I'd have to be there for it as much of the time as possible. Then if I am not able to care for it - who would be there? Anyways thanks for the idea....again. I will talk about it today with my family.
I'm not trying to push you.... You talk about feeling alone and how much it bothers you at times.... Maybe POF instead??
All the beginning could be is doing something simple like going out for lunch or coffee? perhaps?
Thanks Jan. I am at my parents house right now helping them Spring clean. I did just stop cleaning and decided to check messages on my phone and my mood is lifted. I am glad I can help my parents but I think also when I can relate to others and feel like I have something to offer that stops me from feeling down. Yoga class was good today and I think when I am around positive people who like sharing that’s wonderful to me.
It's nice that you're with your folks sweetie..... They are truly the people that I miss the most in my life.... It's nice that you're working together LC....xo
Thanks Jan!xx